Thursday, October 7, 2010

What's Up? Oh, You're Gonna Be Sorry You Asked.

It's been a week since I posted.  I'm not sure why?  Possibly because I have been... well... exhausted.  I went to the doctor's this morning.  The poor lady looked like she was writing a short story on my chart.  Here are all the gross and completely TMI details to make you feel pretty good about your hot selves...

1. What I thought was a sinus infection is just a cold.  A cold that is making me unable to breathe, my throat hurt, and my cough tickle, but still "just a cold".  Prescribed:  Echinacea and Dayquil/Nyquil

2. Constant gas. (Sexy, no?)   Prescribed:  Probiotics

3. Horrifyingly ugly big toes.  Prescribed:  Go see a podiatrist to see if it is just trauma (my kid steps on my toes daily), or an infection.  (You're welcome for not posting pictures.  Although, Halloween IS coming up soon).

4. Rash(right under my boob) that  I thought was eczema and have been treating as such for almost a month because I cannot make the time to go to the doctors - Yeast infection.  (Yes, I have been rubbing my boob in public.  AND, I work with children).  Prescribed:  Some kind of cream

5.  My fear that I am already in perimenopause because even though I am cold all day, at night I wake up overheated and soaked in sweat (It is amazing I have sex, ever, isn't it?).  Prescribed:  Blood work to check my thyroid, and while we are at it, my cholesterol level because, oh, why not?

6.  She asked if I'm fatigued.  I said, "Uh... DUH.. See above".  No, actually I said, "Well, my job is exhausting, I have a 3 1/2 year old active little boy, and my husband's blood pressure medicine makes him cough at night and wake me up".  Prescribed:  Quit job and divorce husband.  Just kidding!  Tell husband to have doctor switch him to another blood pressure med.

On top of all this, it is October.  "So?", you ask.  Well, something happens to my kid in October every year.  Every year he starts acting like a lunatic in October(one month before his birthday), and I think, "Oh man, 2 is gonna be terrible", or "Oh man, how am I gonna survive 3?".  Then, he turns 2, or 3, or 4 (I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE) and he is fine.

So far, he has
A.  illustrated the concept "centrifugal force" by spinning a tower of books in Borders until I heard a sound like a spaceship breaking through space, followed by books spraying all over the Borders floor.

B.  Colored on our couch in PEN.

C.  Threw a ball, which hit a shadowbox, causing it to crash to the ground and break.

D.  Put a bunch of my Mini-Match pieces in a bag, BEFORE they were dry.

E.  Thrown numerous fits.

All this, in addition to the craptastic rainy/cloudy/cold weather we've been having in Pittsburgh has resulted in me being quite "AREYOULOOKINGATME?HUH?PUNK?", but today the sun is out, and I'm gonna go pick up some cream to put on my itchy boob.  Things will get better.

9 comments:

Brooke G. said...

Oh DEAR! Is it wrong that I can't help but laugh?!?! I am trying NOT to... really! Go get your itchy boob out of the house and have some fun... it will do you some good :D HUGS!!

blue china studio said...

Oh Jen, you poor thing. I could picture you rolling out this long piece of paper to give to your doctor when they asked what brought you in. I'm trying not to laugh but oh, boy. AND I think the doctor forgot to prescribe a spa day!

Well, apply that cream, take that cold medicine and get better soon!

The Girls' Mommy said...

I am racking my brain for the right thing to say...still thinking...still thinking....

;D

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You probably DON'T want to know that we called the fours the "Fearsome Fours." As in, we fear we might not let them live to see five.

It sounds like you at least got a lot of bang for your buck out of the doctor's visit. I hope your tests come back okay and it's just a normal level of motherhood-induced exhaustion.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Well, the threes have been rough for us so I'm thinking the four is going to be great. Right? Right?!

So, yeah, we have many of the same problems. I'd elaborate but I have to go scratch a boob.

feather said...

LISA! that's funny!
jen, i do hope your ailments heal quickly. that does not sound appealing.

Burgh Baby said...

Thanks for jinxing the weather into being perfect just in time for the weekend! That was very sweet of you.

Elissa said...

oh MY! that makes my ear sound tame! is it wrong that every time i have my thyroid checked i sort of hope there is something wrong with it because i can't really explain my constant exhaustion otherwise? oh, maybe it's the three kids. and boys are a breed of their own, no? it's like they each count for two kids and that multiplies exponentially the more of them there are!

i hope you're doing better soon... why oh WHY can't we just call in sick?

Amber said...

Ahh, I love you. Seriously. This post made my day for all the right reasons. And you are hilarious.