Wednesday, December 3, 2008

What's Wrong With My Head?

Sleep has been elusive these days. No, not because of my toddler, which would make sense. I haven't been sleeping because of my other kid - the adult sized one. Something strange happens to the adult sized kid at night. The man who can sometimes be found in a t-shirt, next to his lovely wife who might be wearing three layers, and some gloves, switches bodies with me at night. Not in a kinky way - get your mind out of the gutter. What I mean is, while sleeping, my body temperature suddenly goes sky high, and he is suddenly freezing. It is very weird.

One of the first times I shared a bed with Jim, I had a bad dream. I rolled over, thinking snuggling would possibly help me get back to sleep, and came face to face with a masked man! The man in bed with me had a black knit cap pulled down over his eyes and part of his nose! I almost screamed and grabbed a lamp to smash on his head, but then I recognized the nose and mouth. When I asked Jim the next morning if he was trying to kill me, and explained that he almost got a kick in his privates while sleeping, he laughed! He explained that his head gets really cold at night, since it's not under the covers. I believe I said, "O...kay weirdo".

Another night, early in our relationship, I woke up around 3am, and rolled over to tell Jim he would have to take me to the emergency room. "Jim, there is something wrong with me! My head feels like it is on fire!" Again, he laughed! (Cruel man)
He had a space heater just inches from our heads, turned on full blast.

Somehow, over time, I have become accustomed to the bizarre nightly body switch. But, in the spirit of keeping our marriage interesting, he has added a new trick to the mix. He is now making a very odd noise in the middle of the night. It is a high pitched wheezing/sighing/whining noise that sounds like it couldn't possibly be coming from my husband. Usually when the noise wakes me up, I look over to find his face in the pillow. I lay there cursing silently, and when it doesn't stop, I poke him ever so softly (snort), and tell him to roll over. He does, and then immediately falls back asleep. I do not.

I told him to try one of those strips you put across your nose. That didn't work, of course, because he isn't snoring. Is there a strip for wheezing/sighing/whining I don't know about? Because if not, I'm thinking of making the adult kid sleep in the crib from now on.

9 comments:

JCK said...

OK, he should pay you to sleep with him. Ha! Seriously, that is quite the entertainment you have going on there in your bed, girl.

I have no ideas on solutions....but, you do tell a funny tale.

Jonny's Mommy said...

I think I remember you talking about that ski mask thing one time before and it freaked me out then. Seriously. the dude is Weird and yes that is with a capital "W". Weird....Hubby is the heater in this house and that is what happens to us. I'm cold at night, but hot during the day and Hubby is hot at night and cold during the day...weird. With a capital "W"!

The wheezing sounds like a medical issue to me. Try punching him in the nose and see if it straightens things out. :-)

The Girls' Mommy said...

HA! You HAVE to go to this sight http://www.debiderryberry.com/waytoplay and play song number 6, called "Nose" by Debi Derryberry. The cd is called Way to Play.

Kellan said...

Oh, I have been so tempted to tape Billy's snoring (GOOD LORD!) and blog about it. I have to resist the urge - ugh!! This was a funny post, Jen - especially the heater part - ACK!

Have a good Friday - Kellan

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm chuckling over the space heater thing big time--when those suckers heat up they are HOT!

No advice on the noise thing. My husband only has that problem if he drinks too much--about ever 18 months or so.

Burgh Baby said...

But he looks so sweet and innocent! It's so hard to believe that you're living with a sighing/snorting burglar, but apparently it's true. Good luck with that!

Jennifer H said...

I'm not so far from being convinced that separate bedroom are a good idea.

The space heater made me laugh! And I would have freaked out if I woke up next to someone wearing a mask!

Janet said...

The mask would have given me a heart attack the first time I saw it. He might have a touch of asthma. Mine is pretty constant in cold weather and I make all kinds of bizarre noises. Of course, no one can hear them because the Mountain Man, both kids, 2 of the dogs, and 3 of the cats all snore. We have no neighbors for their protection, not ours.

Kellan said...

Hi Jen - Hope you are doing okay and I hope you have a great week - see you soon - Kellan