Monday, September 21, 2009

The Porn Chair

That got your attention, didn't it? I'll get to that.

This weekend we went to Erie, PA, to go to The Albion Fair, and to visit Jim's relatives. Although we are both only children, Jim's aunt has six children, who all have children, some of whom have had children, so the Erie clan is quite large. Uh, yea, QUITE large. The only time Dylan is around that many people at once is at birthday parties, so I think it was a little overwhelming for him.

Saturday, Dylan didn't sleep much in the car, so already his schedule was messed up. In spite of that, he did remarkably well at the fair.

We listened to a band play, ate some ridiculously overpriced fair food, looked at the animals, (he wanted to pet every single animal!), let him ride a pony, and make a sand art dinosaur. We didn't pay to get in, and we only had $31 dollars in cash, which we figured would be plenty. After the pony ride, though, we were out of cash! When we told Dylan we were leaving, he said, "No! I want to go on the rides!" I said, "Oh, buddy, I know. I'm so sorry, but mommy and daddy are out of money. We don't have any money left for riding rides". I was so proud of his reaction. He just said, "Oh! No more money?! You have ZERO money?" The whole walk to the car, he announced to people, "We have ZERO money!" Funny kid.

When we got to the hotel (Super 8), we were busy unpacking, when Dylan handed me something. "Here, Mommy!", he remarked happily, while handing me a magazine. A HUSTLER magazine!!! After I picked my eyeballs off the floor, I asked him, "Where did you get this?" "Under the pi-dow". "UNDER THE PILLOW!!?? JIM!! LOOK WHAT DYLAN FOUND UNDER THE PILLOW!! THEY HAVE TO COME AND CHANGE THE BEDDING RIGHT NOW!! OH MY GOSH!! THERE IS NO WAY I AM SLEEPING IN THAT BED!"

Jim asked Dylan, "You found this under the pillow, on the bed?" "No", he replied. "This pi-dow", he answered, pointing at the chair cushion. "See?", Jim reasoned. "We can sleep here". "Well, it's still gross, and I'm still complaining!"
I marched down to the desk, and handed the lady the HUSTLER magazine, saying "My 2 year old son, just found this in our room!"

She was apologetic and said that they would "make it right when we check out", or something like that. So, for the rest of our stay, I avoided "The Porn Chair". When I turned around to see Jim and Dylan sitting on it to read books before bed, I shouted, "EWWW! Why are you sitting on The Porn Chair!" And, so it went the whole time... "Jen, why don't you sit on The Porn Chair"? I just hope Dylan only saw the front of the magazine, (and that he doesn't call one of the chairs at school "The Porn Chair").

I still remember the first time I saw a Playgirl magazine, at a friend's house when I was 11. "OHMYGOD! THAT IS WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE??! THEY PUT THAT, WHERE? I AM NEVER DOING THAT!!" I was traumatized for weeks. Luckily, if Dylan did see the inside of the magazine, he is so young, I'm pretty sure he won't remember it! (Just as a little side note, the hotel did NOTHING to "make things right". They said since we paid online, there was nothing they could do. WHATEVER.)

Sunday, Dylan woke up at 6:30am, and after waking me up making noises at 2:30am, we were all exhausted already. Then we went to Jim's aunt and uncle's campsite, where there were probably 30 or more people. Jim wasn't even sure who all of them were, and I gave up trying to keep everyone straight.

For the second day in a row, Dylan's nap schedule was messed up, so he was less than thrilled to be there. He actually announced at one point, "I want to go somewhere fun!" Yikes. He was, let's say, less than adorable, the whole day, and I was exhausted and frustrated. I am convinced Jim's relatives think he is an epic brat, because every time they see him he isn't on his normal schedule.

For me, one of the highlights of the trip was watching Dylan and his cousin Keith, "play football". That basically consisted of Keith pretending to fumble the ball, and Dylan grabbing it and running, giggling, with Keith chasing him, yelling, "I'm gonna get you!" He is the nicest 6th grade boy I know. Hopefully THAT is what Dylan remembers about this trip. I know Jim and I will be laughing about The Porn Chair for years to come.

(I did a horrible job of taking pictures this weekend. I might have a couple to add to this post later.)

4 comments:

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

Seriously?! They did NOTHING to make it right?! Hustler . . . that's some pretty trashy porn. Not that I would know or anything . . . I've just heard.

Anyway. I am so sorry Dylan didn't have more fun! I think people think we are stuck up for not participating in large get-togethers like that, but it really is because dealing with my kids off-schedule and then trying to get them back on-schedule is more than I can manage.

The Girls' Mommy said...

When my kids were little and nursing we joked that those magazines were more like Bon AppeTit ;)

My kids are DREADFUL in hotels. Plus, now with four kids were have to get TWO rooms, so we're paying an arm and a leg for them to be miserable and tired. Its actually why we got the camper. I like camping but I'm not an RV/trailer kind of girl. Or, I wasn't. But now that we have it I LOVE that they sleep in their own beds with their own things wherever we go.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

I'm pretty sure you're going to get some interesting hits on this one.

And eeeew! Why did Jim sit in the porn chair. You should have taken one of those lights in there like they have on CSI so you could see where...you know...bodily fluids had been.

Ugh! I'm so grossed out now!

(Glad you had fun with Dylan at least for a small time at least. Trust me, that happens with Jonathan when we visit family too...)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm sure that is exactly what Dylan will remember.

If you paid by credit card, take it up with your credit card company--it works for me every time.