My Son is Joining A Nudists Colony

Dylan has decided he is NOT going to wear clothes anymore. I didn't think any stage could be worse than the obsessed with his penis stage, but now I find myself longing for those days. The "obsessed with his penis stage" diaper change went something like this... I would hold his legs up with one hand, take the diaper off with the other. His right hand would go directly there and start pulling, causing him to get some poop on his right hand. I would yell, "Eewww! No, Dylan!", as that hand went towards his mouth. I lwould let go of his legs to grab the hand before it went in his mouth, which caused his feet to go in the dirty diaper, getting poop on his feet. I would wipe off his hand, then his feet. I would hold his legs up
with my left arm, while blocking the penis area with my left hand, my back aching due to the way I was distorting myself, while quickly wiping the poop off his bum with my right hand, as his left hand was trying to push my arm away.

I thought that was bad, but it is nothing compared to this newest stage - the I will not be still for more than 2 seconds stage. Now, in the 2 seconds he gives me, I am only able to unsnap his onsie, and undo the sides of the poopy diaper before Dylan rolls over and takes off. Or rolls over and sits up to grab everything on the changing table and put it in his mouth. If I flip him back onto his back, he immediately rolls back over. If I try to stop him from rolling over, he pushes against me with such superhuman force that even using all my strength I cannot keep him pinned. You are thinking I am a wimp, that a 9 month old can beat me, but I'm telling you, he is freakishly strong! Have you ever watched the Strong Man competitions on television, where men will pull a semi with their teeth, or lift a car? I'm thinking Dylan has a future there.

Usually, I am putting the diaper on him, while he is sitting or standing or crawling away, so it is crooked or hanging down exposing baby crack. I am so exhausted by that point I don't bother to snap the onesie or put his shorts back on. This isn't such a big deal now, because the weather is still warm. What am I gonna do in the fall and winter?

The thing that amazes me the most is his determination. I am a pretty stubborn person, and one day I decided I was going to win the diaper battle once and for all. He rolled over, I flipped him to his back, he rolled over, I flipped him to his back, etc. I swear we would still be doing that right now, because yep, you guessed it, Dylan won. I could hear his sinister laugh as he crawled away, leaving me sweaty, exhausted, and defeated.

Determination and strength. My kid is going places! He's going naked, but he's going.