Thursday, September 16, 2010

I Like It Here

One day recently, Dylan and I were in the backyard, playing in the sandbox.  Dylan was talking (as always), and said something funny, and I laughed.

"You always make me laugh!  What did I ever do before you?", I asked him.
"Well... you were married to Daddy!", he exclaimed.
"Yes, that's right", I answered.
"What DID you and Daddy do?", he asked, trying to imagine what we could possibly have done that didn't include him.
"Well, we worked, and we went out to eat, and to see movies, and did stuff with our friends".
"Did you have fun?", he asked.
"Yes, we had lots of fun, but then you were born, and things changed, but we still have lots of fun".
"Tell me about the day I was born", he asked.  This was new.  He never asked me about that before.
"On that day, Mommy and Daddy rushed to the hospital because you were in a hurry to be born!  (I skipped over some stuff here).  When you were born, I was so happy, and I thought you were the most amazing thing I ever saw.  I held you, and stared at you, and touched your soft skin.  Your daddy was so happy, and he just kept staring at you and smiling..."
"HOW happy were you and Daddy?", Dylan interrupted.
"Well, Dylan, we were so happy we felt like we would burst!  We had wanted you for such a long time, and you were finally here".
He was finally quiet for a few moments, taking it all in.  Then, he looked up at me, smiled, and said, "I'm glad I'm here.  I like it here".

My eyes filled with tears, thinking of all those months years ago, after my fiance, Doug, died.  At that time, I didn't want to die, but I certainly wasn't happy to be "here".  I wasn't sure I would ever be "okay" again, let alone happy.  As I sat there, crying and smiling at my son's sweet face, I thought of all the joy he and Jim have brought to my life.

"Dylan, I like it here, too.  More than I can say".

9 comments:

Brooke G. said...

Oh my! That is just so sweet. You are going to love reading this post over and over for years to come! :D

The Girls' Mommy said...

:) Save this one for him, he needs to read it some day when he's older

blue china studio said...

Ah Jen, darn it you just made me cry. What a special special post.

Mary said...

Oh my gosh, that just put tears in my eyes :) What a sweet sweet little boy you have! My little guy always wants to hear about when we got him at the hospital and he will say "tell me about when I was a little baby." Love these boys :)

Elissa said...

I don't even know what to say to this jen. How can i comment about you losing someone so close to you? and yet, how can i ignore it? I can't even imagine. I, too, am glad you have your little family now. It is good to feel good about being here, isn't it? What incredible insight from a little babe.

feather said...

wow...
you know, isn't it strange how we can come full circle from tragedy in just a few short years? how for you, those years ago, you couldn't imagine a life without your fiance...and look at the life you've made now. there's something to be said for moving ahead, one step at a time.

Driven To Distraction said...

Oh, Jen! That post brought tears to my eyes! You have such an amazing, kind, gentle, sweet, beautiful little boy (which is a huge testament to you as a parent!) I am so glad that you have found happiness and joy after such a tragedy - and that you are sharing it with us!

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

This is so sweet! He is such a sweet boy!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

What a boy you have.

This post is the very definition of bittersweet and you've told the story beautifully.