Wedding, Schmedding

Well, unless you live under a very big rock, on a remote island, and have sand in your ears, you know that today Prince William married Kate.  I don't know when the news broke of their engagement, but I do know that we have been hearing of little else since then.  Today, though!  Today was truly shocking to me.  Every time I got on the computer I was bombarded by the headlines (our default is set to Yahoo).


"Best and Worst Royal Wedding Fashions"- That was followed by... "The bride looked stunning, but some guests made questionable style choices for the big event".   REALLY?!  I'm shocked and enthralled!  What were those idiots thinking, wearing something they liked, rather than what some fashion yahoo deemed appropriate?!


"What Prince William whispered to Kate" - Followed by... "As the cameras zoomed in at the altar, the groom turned to the bride and set off a lip-reading frenzy".  OH MY GOSH! What could he have said?!  I have to know!  Actually I'm a pretty good lip reader.  He said, "That frock is lovely darling.  I'm going to thoroughly enjoy ripping it off of you later".


"Kate's sister in surprising white dress" - WHAT?!  She wore white?!  The nerve!  I cannot believe it!  I'm beside myself.


"Who is frowning girl in royal kiss photo?" - Followed by... "and other mysteries solved".  Oh, I cannot bear the suspense.  I must know, and I must know now.


"Strong reactions to royal's hat" - I have a strong reaction for you - WHO CARES?  Who cares, who cares, who cares?!  WHO.... CARES???


I went to a school to do some testing for my job this morning.  I could not listen to the radio without hearing more "important wedding details".  A delivery truck driver, who was bringing food into the school actually stopped me to say, "Maybe YOU can answer my question.  What does the royal family DO?  What is their job?"  I bit my tongue and repressed the overwhelming urge to scream "WHO CARES?!", and just answered, "Look pretty?"  He just chuckled and walked away from me muttering something.


In our local newspaper, a reporter stopped several people to ask this very important question... "The coverage of the royal wedding will air beginning at 4am on some channels.  Will you get up early to watch?"  Four of the four said they would!  I told Jim, "I wouldn't even get up at 4am for my own wedding!"  He laughed and agreed.


I'm really hoping things can get back to normal tomorrow.  Please tell me I won't have to be bombarded by "Shocking, Important Honeymoon Details".  Surely there will be SOMETHING else going on in the world that is considered news?  PLEASE?

My Name Is Jen

I was just thinking yesterday, "The name of my blog is Rants and Raves, but I really don't Rant very much lately". Then today decided to give me my chance.

See, last week I went to my eye doctor's to make an appointment. I was already in the building to have my glasses fixed. (I broke them back in December during a coughing fit incident. Yes, it has taken me this long to get them fixed? AND? I'm in the middle of a rant here. Do you really want to mess with me?) Anyway, the receptionist informed me that I would have to wait until May to get an appointment, because my insurance won't cover it until then. One problem - I am wearing my last pair of contacts and I've been wearing them a lot longer than I'm supposed to already. I needed to pick Dylan up from school, so I just left.

Today, I went back. I walked up to the desk where my eye doctor was standing, along with a different receptionist and explained what happened the last time. The guy stared blankly at me and asked, "Are you a patient here?" "Uh...Yea...I'm a patient of YOURS", I ever so pleasantly told him. I asked if I could just buy a couple pairs until I can get in for an appointment in May. He said he doesn't have the kind I need in stock. There is more to the story than that, (I'm switching eye doctors now), but the point is... WHY DON'T PEOPLE REMEMBER ME?!

Okay, you are thinking I am blowing this out of proportion. Here's the thing.. It has been happening to me A LOT lately! I am getting a complex.

First, I saw a lady in a store, and I smiled and said "Hello". She just stared at me awkwardly. I said, "I talked to you for a while at such and such park, this past summer". She just smiled weakly, "Oh... right", while stepping slowly away from me. Okay, I thought. I do have a crazy memory for faces. I can meet someone for 5 minutes, see them a year later, and remember their face. Not their name, of course, but their face. But, I even remembered where I had met her, and some of our conversation, and she had no memory of it whatsoever.

Next, I went to a Mom's Club event meeting while Dylan was in school. Granted, I don't get a chance to go to many events. BUT! Here's how it went down...
First one person came up to me and said, "Lisa?" "Uh...no" "Sorry, I thought you were the new member who emailed me".
Then, another person came up with her hand out, "Hi, I'm X. I don't believe we've met". "Yea, actually we have. I met you at Chuck E Cheese's when I was there with my son, and we talked about your son's allergies".

Honestly, I was thinking about standing up and saying "Can I have your attention, please?! My name is JEN. J-E-N. I am NOT a new member. I have been a member for years. I am not Lisa. YOU made a meal for my neighbor at my request, then sent me an email thanking me for allowing you to help. Then, I shared something very personal with you. YOU, I had a lengthy discussion with about allergies. YOU, I gave my pool. Yea, HI! Free Pool? Remember? YOU? My kid goes to school with your kid. HELLO?! J-E-N. Thank you. That is all".

I've been thinking about getting my hair cut shorter, for spring. Maybe I should go with this cut so I stand out a bit more?

Birth Control Woes

I need to RANT. I've tried not to get into this, but I think I just need to vent, so I can move on. If you are a man, you might want to skip reading this post.

A couple months ago, I went to Giant Eagle on a Saturday, to get a new pack of birth control pills. There was a HUGE line for the pharmacy, so instead of standing there while all my groceries melted, I decided to come back later. That was a good thing, because when I came back, there was no line. I gave the guy with the "I'm Training" pin, my name, and waited. When he came back, he informed me,

"You have no refills on this prescription".
"WHAT?!?!", I exclaimed.
"You have no refills on this prescription", he remarked a bit louder this time.
"You have my phone number. Why didn't you call and tell me that, so I didn't drive all the way over here?"
"I think someone tried".
"I THINK NOT".
(He was beginning to look uncomfortable, but just stood there shifting his weight from one foot to the other).
"Listen, I obviously can't call my gynecologist until Monday to get another prescription, so can you just give me a couple? If I miss days, I'm going to get all messed up".
"No, sorry"
(I'm not sure why I do stuff like this, but I just stood there looking at him menacingly, not saying anything. He became more and more uncomfortable, and started looking over his shoulder at his coworkers as if to say, "Help?" Just about the time a bead of sweat formed on his temple I shouted, "AARRRGGGGHHH!", making the poor kid jump, and stormed off).

Messed up is right. I ended up not getting time to call on Monday or Tuesday. By then, I had officially missed too many pills. If you take birth control pills, you know that when you make an appointment to come in and have your yearly exam, THEN they will send in a new prescription. What is the big deal? They act like you might be selling the things on the black market.

Our vacation was in a week or so, and when you start a new pack, you might have spotting. I really didn't want that aggravation on vacation, so I put off starting the new pack until we got home.

To make a long story short(er), now that I am on the new pack, I'm a wreck. I'm irritable, I'm exhausted, and my face looks like the before in an acne commercial. I'm angry. When I went to the gynecologist, I asked, "Why don't you guys send reminder postcards when it's time to make an appointment, like other doctors do?" Her reply? "We don't do that". Well, gee, that makes sense. Glad I asked?! I was tempted to look at HER until a bead of sweat formed on her temple.

I'm Just Not Happy

Dear Person who turned in my purse at Chick Fil A:

I'm not happy with you. I really, really appreciate the fact that you turned my purse in. You have no idea how appreciative I was! When I realized it was missing this morning and realized I might have left it on the floor in the children's play area, I figured another mom or dad would surely be thoughtful enough to turn it in. Another mom or dad would understand that I don't have the time or energy to deal with canceling credit cards, etc. Another mom or dad would understand what mommy brain does to a person.

I just want you to know that I forgive you for taking the $100 bucks that I just got from the bank that morning. I'm going to assume that you just found out that your child needs glasses, or braces, or a kidney. I'm sure you were desperate. That is the only logical explanation.

I'm not mad. It's just money, after all. My hard earned money that I really need, but whatever. Little Susie needs those glasses more. Oh, and do you believe in Karma? Because I'd watch my back. Just sayin'.


Dear Bank Teller Lady:

I'm not happy with you either. When my kid (who is behaving remarkably well in the bank by the way) says to you, "We gettin' money!", or "I made a circle!", or "That's a P!", the least you can do is crack a smile. I realize responding with enthusiasm would be so exhausting that you would fall off the chair that your humorless butt is sitting on. Here's an idea. Get a sense of humor, or a heart. Preferably both because next time I'm going to let him take ALL the deposit slips and yank the pen completely out of the counter as a souvenir.

Dear Guy Who Was In Front Of Me In Line To Get Gas:

I'm also not happy with you. Did you notice, as you were pumping $65 worth of gas into your ginormous SUV and your two huge gas jugs that I was trapped by your honking big vehicle and the other one behind me? Did you also notice that the pump beside you opened up several times while I was trapped behind you? Did you happen to hear my kid screaming, "I WANT TO GO HOOOOMMMEEE?" over the increasing volume of the radio? Nope, I didn't think so. Carry on.

Dear Parents Of Brats In The Mall Play Area:

I'm not happy with you either. I understand. You have a brat. A holy terror of a child who just won't listen and who makes your every waking moment difficult. You just wanted a little time to relax, so you let them run amuck in the children's play area at the mall, while you closed your eyes and took a little nap. They don't listen to you anyway, you figured. Well, they did listen TO ME when I told them every so nicely to MOVE IT when they were blocking the slide and preventing a whole line of innocent children from enjoying themselves. I was quite proud of myself when I refrained from sending your little darling into next week when they ran screaming across my sandal clad toes. You're welcome. Hope you enjoyed your nap.

That is all.