Friday, June 19, 2009

I'm Just Not Happy

Dear Person who turned in my purse at Chick Fil A:

I'm not happy with you. I really, really appreciate the fact that you turned my purse in. You have no idea how appreciative I was! When I realized it was missing this morning and realized I might have left it on the floor in the children's play area, I figured another mom or dad would surely be thoughtful enough to turn it in. Another mom or dad would understand that I don't have the time or energy to deal with canceling credit cards, etc. Another mom or dad would understand what mommy brain does to a person.

I just want you to know that I forgive you for taking the $100 bucks that I just got from the bank that morning. I'm going to assume that you just found out that your child needs glasses, or braces, or a kidney. I'm sure you were desperate. That is the only logical explanation.

I'm not mad. It's just money, after all. My hard earned money that I really need, but whatever. Little Susie needs those glasses more. Oh, and do you believe in Karma? Because I'd watch my back. Just sayin'.


Dear Bank Teller Lady:

I'm not happy with you either. When my kid (who is behaving remarkably well in the bank by the way) says to you, "We gettin' money!", or "I made a circle!", or "That's a P!", the least you can do is crack a smile. I realize responding with enthusiasm would be so exhausting that you would fall off the chair that your humorless butt is sitting on. Here's an idea. Get a sense of humor, or a heart. Preferably both because next time I'm going to let him take ALL the deposit slips and yank the pen completely out of the counter as a souvenir.

Dear Guy Who Was In Front Of Me In Line To Get Gas:

I'm also not happy with you. Did you notice, as you were pumping $65 worth of gas into your ginormous SUV and your two huge gas jugs that I was trapped by your honking big vehicle and the other one behind me? Did you also notice that the pump beside you opened up several times while I was trapped behind you? Did you happen to hear my kid screaming, "I WANT TO GO HOOOOMMMEEE?" over the increasing volume of the radio? Nope, I didn't think so. Carry on.

Dear Parents Of Brats In The Mall Play Area:

I'm not happy with you either. I understand. You have a brat. A holy terror of a child who just won't listen and who makes your every waking moment difficult. You just wanted a little time to relax, so you let them run amuck in the children's play area at the mall, while you closed your eyes and took a little nap. They don't listen to you anyway, you figured. Well, they did listen TO ME when I told them every so nicely to MOVE IT when they were blocking the slide and preventing a whole line of innocent children from enjoying themselves. I was quite proud of myself when I refrained from sending your little darling into next week when they ran screaming across my sandal clad toes. You're welcome. Hope you enjoyed your nap.

That is all.

5 comments:

Kellan said...

I'm so sorry about the $100 - that sucks! I have these days where I am just not happy with people that cross my path! Hope tomorrow is a lot better, Jen.

I've missed you. Have a good weekend - Kellan

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

I can't believe someone would take $100, but still return the purse. that totally stinks.

The kids on the playground...oh, I can so relate to that one.

I wish we could really write letters like these to people. Maybe give them a wake up call, you know?

JCK said...

That is all, indeed. So sorry about your money, Jen. It truly is a violation when that happens.

The Girls' Mommy said...

You forgot the person in the grocery store who takes the only double cart for their single child. I once chased that person down and made them give me the @$$# cart. I wasn't happy with them either.

Burgh Baby said...

I'm stunned that someone would search your purse for good stuff before turning it in. Unless it was two different people, it's just weird.