Sunday, June 8, 2008

The Closing

Yes, we had our closing on the new house Friday. We sat chatting with the old owners (who are really nice people), while we waited for our realtor to show up. I think she might have been 15 minutes late. We were originally told that the mortgage company was suppposed to call us 24 hours before closing to give us the final number that we would need to bring. At that point, we only had the guesstimate that our realtor's company gave us. Jim had to call the mortgage company about 2 1/2 hours before our closing to find out the final number, which SURPRISE!! - was about $800 more than the guesstimate. There was much swearing and scrambling to make sure that we had enough in checking to cover that extra surprise.

When our realtor showed up and we were looking over things, she mentioned that we had to purchase home owners insurance - one year, upfront, that day. After popping our eyebrows back on, she told us not to worry, that she felt it was included in the final price that the mortgage company had given Jim 2 1/2 hours earlier.

There was supposedly an accident on the turnpike and the closing agent was 1 HOUR late. We now know way more about the previous owners than we should, because we had to sit there making small talk for over an hour! When the closing agent finally showed up, our patience already dangling by a very slim thread, she informed us that the final price DID NOT include the home owner's insurance. So, the final price was now about $800 MORE!! Jim almost popped a vein in his head, and I almost had a Real Genius moment and walked out. (If you haven't seen the movie Real Genius, you must not have been a teenager in the 80's)

After all that stress, my brain went into shut down mode. We got in the car, and I could not talk, or move, or think. Jim, on the other hand went into vent mode. He wanted to LOUDLY discuss/complain about every little detail of the day so far. I just stared at him blankly, as if I couldn't remember who this strangely verbal man was.

We rushed over to the bank, to see what needed to be done to assure that all the money was where it needed to be, and I realized I hadn't gone to the bathroom since that morning. My brain suddenly became aware of my body again, and I realized I had to pee immediately! Some lady in the bank had to unlock the bathroom for me with a key. I rushed in and pulled at the string of my drawstring shorts, and I somehow managed to pull the #@$# string in a very, very, very tight knot! By this time, the pee situation was nearing critical status, and I could.not.get.the.#@#$.knot.out! I started to panic! I couldn't pull my shorts down without untieing the knot, and the knot wouldn't budge. At 35 years of age I was actually going to pee my pants, and have to walk out of this huge bank with wet shorts! So, I did what any rational person would do, I poked my head out and told the bank lady I needed my husband to assist me. "That potty training is tricky for some of us", I explained.

(I'm kidding. I got the knot out 1.1 second before peeing my pants.)

Unfortunately, the rest of the weekend didn't go much better. Today I laughed and cried at the same time when I couldn't get my sock drawer to close. I think that accurately shows my stress level.

*Jim felt that I needed to add all the crap that led up to my complete loss of sanity, so fine, here is the list...

-the only phone we have that I like and can hear on, broke, along with our only answering machine
-Jim tried to put a window unit air conditioner in Dylan's room, (that we just bought last year). After finally getting in in the window, it wouldn't work, and we can't find the receipt.
-When we went to our new house to show it to Jim's parents, Dylan pulled down a lamp, shattering the lightbulb everywhere.
-While trying to shave my legs with our electric razor, I suddenly heard a ZAP, and saw a spark, before the cord fell in half. I was almost electrocuted.

But, hey, I didn't pee my pants!!


JCK said...

OH, my....stress much?!

Jen, deep, deep breaths. But, truthfully, buying a house is definitely high on the list of stressful things. Congrats on closing! Those surprises always happen! You didn't even pee your pants!!

Janet said...

The Mountain Man does house closings all the time, and the banks ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS screw things up at the last minute. Congratulations on getting through it and not peeing your pants.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Every and every day that you successfully manage to not pee your pants is a good day. I mean, Dylan and Alexis can't do it, so we are certainly doing better than them!

Jonny's Mommy said...

Wow. that is crazy.

Something similar happened when we bought our house -- the mortgage chick kept dumping all these extra fees on us and I remember feeling the same way you did. I almost walked right out of there and told the woman to shove her mortgage and her extra fees right up her butt.

She gave us two $50 gift cards to Target later on as if she was trying to make up for all the extra money. It was nice, but it didn't help much.

Julia said...

WOW, I don't even know what to say. I'm laughing and crying for you. I guess I should say, "I'm so glad you made it to the potty!" But that's not a sentence I ever thought I'd say to you :)

Congrats on the house!!!!

Joanna said...

I'm so sorry. You need immediate chocolate intervention.

Nicole said...

I swear they slip in extra costs at closings. When we sold our house, (we lost money, if you remember... UGH!!) we anticipated that we were about $1400 to $1600 short at paying off our mortgage. Well, closing comes and turns out we're $2700 short. What the hell!

Kellan said...

I'm so glad you didn't pee your pants - that would have been awful and made things so much worse. I'm sorry about the surprise fees - that just makes me crazy. But ... congratulations on the new house!!!!!! Take pictures - take pictures!

Have a good evening - Kellan

Lijy said...

congrats on the new house and also for not peeing in ur pants.