The Closing

Yes, we had our closing on the new house Friday. We sat chatting with the old owners (who are really nice people), while we waited for our realtor to show up. I think she might have been 15 minutes late. We were originally told that the mortgage company was suppposed to call us 24 hours before closing to give us the final number that we would need to bring. At that point, we only had the guesstimate that our realtor's company gave us. Jim had to call the mortgage company about 2 1/2 hours before our closing to find out the final number, which SURPRISE!! - was about $800 more than the guesstimate. There was much swearing and scrambling to make sure that we had enough in checking to cover that extra surprise.

When our realtor showed up and we were looking over things, she mentioned that we had to purchase home owners insurance - one year, upfront, that day. After popping our eyebrows back on, she told us not to worry, that she felt it was included in the final price that the mortgage company had given Jim 2 1/2 hours earlier.

There was supposedly an accident on the turnpike and the closing agent was 1 HOUR late. We now know way more about the previous owners than we should, because we had to sit there making small talk for over an hour! When the closing agent finally showed up, our patience already dangling by a very slim thread, she informed us that the final price DID NOT include the home owner's insurance. So, the final price was now about $800 MORE!! Jim almost popped a vein in his head, and I almost had a Real Genius moment and walked out. (If you haven't seen the movie Real Genius, you must not have been a teenager in the 80's)

After all that stress, my brain went into shut down mode. We got in the car, and I could not talk, or move, or think. Jim, on the other hand went into vent mode. He wanted to LOUDLY discuss/complain about every little detail of the day so far. I just stared at him blankly, as if I couldn't remember who this strangely verbal man was.

We rushed over to the bank, to see what needed to be done to assure that all the money was where it needed to be, and I realized I hadn't gone to the bathroom since that morning. My brain suddenly became aware of my body again, and I realized I had to pee immediately! Some lady in the bank had to unlock the bathroom for me with a key. I rushed in and pulled at the string of my drawstring shorts, and I somehow managed to pull the #@$# string in a very, very, very tight knot! By this time, the pee situation was nearing critical status, and I could.not.get.the.#@#$.knot.out! I started to panic! I couldn't pull my shorts down without untieing the knot, and the knot wouldn't budge. At 35 years of age I was actually going to pee my pants, and have to walk out of this huge bank with wet shorts! So, I did what any rational person would do, I poked my head out and told the bank lady I needed my husband to assist me. "That potty training is tricky for some of us", I explained.

(I'm kidding. I got the knot out 1.1 second before peeing my pants.)

Unfortunately, the rest of the weekend didn't go much better. Today I laughed and cried at the same time when I couldn't get my sock drawer to close. I think that accurately shows my stress level.

*Jim felt that I needed to add all the crap that led up to my complete loss of sanity, so fine, here is the list...

-the only phone we have that I like and can hear on, broke, along with our only answering machine
-Jim tried to put a window unit air conditioner in Dylan's room, (that we just bought last year). After finally getting in in the window, it wouldn't work, and we can't find the receipt.
-When we went to our new house to show it to Jim's parents, Dylan pulled down a lamp, shattering the lightbulb everywhere.
-While trying to shave my legs with our electric razor, I suddenly heard a ZAP, and saw a spark, before the cord fell in half. I was almost electrocuted.

But, hey, I didn't pee my pants!!