Well, we have embarked on that "wonderful" adventure that is potty training. As a mommy blogger, it is a requirement that I write a potty post, isn't it? Well, here you go...
A few months ago, I started reading "Potty Training For Dummies". Oh, I had no idea. What is it about potty training that makes a well educated, intelligent person feel like a complete and total doofus? I read the book. I did the research. I was ready. Or so I thought.
A few weeks before Christmas, I took Dylan to Babies R Us, and let him peruse the potty aisle's assortment of tricks. He showed special interest in the Elmo chair, which the child can high five, and which plays a variety of encouraging statements in both English and Spanish. Personally, it made me want to scream. Elmo's voice is at a range that I almost can't even hear, but I can hear, and that makes me want to rip my hair out. But, because I had my eyes on the prize, and my head in the clouds, I bought that one. (Later, when Dylan wasn't with me, because it was a special present from Santa)
On Christmas day, it was presented, wrapped in colorful paper, and accompanied by much "oohing" and "aahing". Dylan decorated it with stickers that he chose, and he even used stickers to spell out his name on it. He sat on it fully clothed several times that day. Everything was going according to plan.
My parents even bought him a CD with "potty music". Yes, that's right. Potty music. If you want to know the truth, the music isn't for the kids. It's for the grownups. Keeping a sense of humor throughout potty training without it, would be just about impossible. With it? Well, here's a sample...
(Jim said "these people need to get better agents". I said "they probably make more money than we do".)
I am going to get a lot of use out of these songs. Like this one, which I'm thinking of getting Jim to rig the guest toilet to play when the seat is lifted...
Or this one, which I think I'll play some day in the future, when Dylan brings his fiance and the future in-laws over for dinner. That way I can find out from the start if they have a good sense of humor, right? I'm thinking of putting it on during dinner, after appetizers, and before the main course. (I figure I'll cook then, heh).
(Catchy, aren't they? Now you'll be singing them all day. You're welcome.)
Dylan was interested in the songs, often requesting the CD, and getting a very serious expression on his face while following along with the book. He acclimated to the chair, sitting on it in the living room, family room, dining room and kitchen, before it finally found its way into the bathroom. We watched the potty video several times, before getting out the sticker chart, and going over the process. Then, he sat on it without clothes. Um, A LOT. He's been sitting on it for weeks, each time with his very patient Mommy sitting on the very uncomfortable toilet seat, reading him book after book after book. Each time, with no results.
Last week, after reading more of the Dummy book, I decided to try the hourly potty sit idea. Maybe I just wasn't getting the timing right? For an entire day, we sat there in the bathroom reading books every hour. The day went very fast, and very slow. Very fast because every time the timer went off, I just couldn't believe an hour had passed already and I had to trudge my annoyed butt into the bathroom, and muster up some fake enthusiasm once again! Very slow, because while waiting for your kid to "produce results" time seems to stand still. My back ached, my butt was sore from the uncomfortable seat, and hope was dwindling with each potty sit. We would finish the books, and I would happily ask, "Are you done?" "Yea", he would reply, and then stand up. Each time, I would glance desperately into the bowl - nothing. "@#$!", (I would say in my head). Out loud I would say, "That's okay, Dylan! You tried! Good job, buddy!" "!@$$%%%%^#@@, WTH am I doing wrong here?" (in my head). By the end of the day, when I heard the timer go off...
"Dylan, time to go potty, honey!" "!@##$@#$$, if I have to go in there one more time I might shoot myself" (in my head)
At that point, I sent out an S.O.S. in the form of a "help me" email to the 50 or so members of the mom's club. Many of them had gone through this agony, and had successfully made it to the other side, and I needed their advice. Within hours, I had a ton of emails, all offering different ideas! But, not one of them hit on it.
Why do I say that? Because last weekend, we went to Dylan's cousin's birthday party. At the party, Dylan watched two of his girl cousins pee on the potty. There was much enthusiasm, talk of "big kids", and prancing around in flower underwear. The next day was Sunday and we were too busy to even attempt the potty thing. But, Monday, when I got home from work, there were my parents greeting me at the door, with the news that Dylan peed on the potty twice! "DYLAN!!! YOU PEED ON THE POTTY?!? THAT IS GREAT!!! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!! Kiss, Kiss". "!@#$##@@#$$# Are you kidding me? I do all the hard work, and they get to be first?! !@#$!" (in my head) So apparently, what works for my kid? Peer pressure. I guess I need to set up a lot of play dates in the coming weeks, because holy crap (pun intended), I want to at least get the first poop.
(I'm kidding, Mom. I'm not bitter. Hmmpphh) I am still able to laugh about it. My sense of humor is still intact. Or it will be, once I play that darn CD again. Excuse me.