Monday, February 15, 2010

A Phone Call With Winter

Brrrinng.... Brriiinnngg...

Winter: "Hello?"

Me: "Winter! Hi! How are you?"

Winter: "Who is this?"

Me: "It's Jen".

Winter: "Jen? Oh, Jen! You never call me! You always call your buddy Spring around this time each year. You two are so tight. Did you two have a falling out?"

Me: "Uh... no. Actually, I tried to call her, but her line has been busy for a week now. She must be getting a lot of calls".

Winter: "Yea, yea, whoopee for Spring. She's SO popular. What am I? Chopped liver?"

Me: "Well, you can't really expect people to be very happy with you this year, you know".

Winter: "Why not? Boy, you Pittsburgh people are a bunch of whiners, you know that? Waaah, waah, waah, grumble, whine, moan. You live in Pittsburgh. It's February. It's snowing. So what? What's the problem? Yinz guys don't like snow n'at?"

Me: "'s not just snow. You've dumped 30 inches on us in the past 10 days! And, now you're giving us 3-6 more tonight?! That's a bit excessive, don't you think? What's got you so royally ticked off?"

Winter: "Well, if you must know, maybe I got sick and tired of being called "Old Man Winter"! I'm not that old! I figured I'd show you young farts I'm still powerful! I'm still a force to be reckoned with! Maybe now I'll get the respect I deserve, huh?!"

Me: "Wow.. You have issues. Seek therapy".

Winter" "I have issues?! What about you?! You're the one who's always asking your husband "Why do we live here?" You're the one who talks about moving to Florida, but never does. That was a nice touch - how I made it snow in FLORIDA this year, huh?! Ha, Ha, Ha!"

Me: "HA! HA! HA! Ha! Ha! Ha!...

Winter: "It wasn't that funny".

Me: "Well, at some point, you just have to laugh. What else are you gonna do? First, the kids were off all week last week, and we were stuck in the house. Then, it just had to be President's Day today, which meant the kids were off again! Now, you've decided to unleash another snowstorm. It's all just a bit much".

Winter: "You can't see me, but I'm playing my violin right now. Like I said... February... snow... deal with it. I saw you playing in it today, so you must not hate it that much".

Me: "Well, I had to do something with the kids I'm a nanny for. When that dog... the one that ate my boots last week... got stuck in the snow... that was pretty funny. And, I did enjoy pelting the kids with a ton of snowballs! Thanks for that."

Winter: "Yea, talking about OLD. You think you're still in your 20's, running and jumping around in the snow. I think you pulled something."

Me: "I DID NOT!"

Winter: "Oh? Then, why are you walking like that?"

Me: "Shut up! I really don't like you, you..."

Winter: "Careful! I'll dump another 6 inches on The Burgh, just for kicks!"

Me: (whispering) "Someone should really smack you with a shovel".

Winter: "What did you say?"


Winter: "Yea, I think yours broke under the weight of 2 1/2 feet of snow! HaHaHaHa! Oh, hey, have fun driving to work in the morning! Maybe the kids will be off again! HaHaHaHa! SNORT!" Click...

Me: "Oh yea! Well... I... Well... you... Hello?... (Dead air) Sigh. I'm going to try Spring's number again..."


Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

you better be careful...I just heart Old Man Winter is about to dump another 12 inches on you! :-) might have pissed him off because he's on his way here, but with only a few inches for us.

(I love these phone let Miss Spring know she's welcome to come the first of March.)

Amber said...

I'm so glad you had that conversation so I didn't have to. I am soo over winter. I never much noticed the seasons before I was trapped indoors with kids. But now, I am counting down the days. And while we are not buried under feet of snow, the wind blows so fiercely that it knocks over our basketball hoop and blows our 90 gallon industrial strength trashcan down the street. Wizard of frickin oz like.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Spring is in San Diego today--she must have forgotten to charge her cell phone.

Anonymous said...

You guys have had a rough go of it lately! We are predicted to have a very snowy March and April thanks to El Nino (AKA: some random weather phenomanon that happens every few years.) Snow I don't mind - it is this failure of the temperature to creeps out of the 30s and 40s that is getting to me. Hope things dry out soon!

Feather said...

the dude's got attitude, huh? i'd actually prefer winter to bring some snow here. instead, we just get this blah blah inversion with brown scenery all month long. suck.y.

The Girls' Mommy said...

Gertie asked me "What comes after winter?" I said "Spring". She asked "When IS that??" This from a five year old who should be thrilled...

Brooke G. said...

Yeah, well I talked to Spring and she isn't all that helpful either. But keep trying!!!!