Tuesday, February 10, 2009


(I didn't forget about Part 2 to "Being Healthy" - it's coming soon)

Recently, I discovered that a couple I know is having marital struggles. There were discussions of separation. This shook me a bit, because on the surface, they look happy. I started to wonder how many other couples I know are having similar issues. I started to ponder what it is exactly that makes some marriages work and others fade away.

One night this past week, none of our shows were on, so Jim *allowed me to watch a sappy love story, "P.S. I Love You". I read the book, and also saw it in the theatre, but I wanted to watch it again. It is odd that I wanted to watch it again, because if you've seen the movie, you know it is about a young woman whose husband died. It is a very honest, well written film, and of course I relate to the main character. (*I wrote that as a joke for Jim. We don't "allow" or "not allow" each other to do things. I don't think couples should try to control each other. We share our feelings and give each other our opinions, and hopefully the other person cares enough to let that influence their decision in some way.)

After watching the movie, I went up to bed, and stood there for a second cursing. The sheets were in the dryer, probably damp and wrinkled. On my way down to run them through the dryer again, I complained to Jim about what I did. Later, when I started to put the dry sheets on the bed, Jim appeared and offered to help me. As I pulled my side and he yanked his, I looked over at him and smiled, my heart filling with warmth. A small gesture, his offer to help, but so sweet. Those little moments can pass us by so easily , unnoticed and unappreciated.

It is really quite remarkable - marriage. The idea of choosing one person to spend the rest of your life with! They are basically saying "You are the person that I want to argue with about travel plans. You are the person I want to roll over and see every morning, bed head, morning breath, and all. I will deal with your crazy relatives. I will make your dreams my own. I will listen to you nag me time and time again to hang up my coat. I will listen to you tell me the same stories that I have already heard a billion times with a smile on my face. I will love you because of who you are, and also in spite of it."

It is hard, and it is work, but it is fabulous and amazing, sharing your days, your ups and downs with another person. You all know how I feel about Valentine's day, so this post is not a Valentine's day post and will not be posted on that day, because what I really just want to say is...

"Jim, I love you EVERY DAY".


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Marriage is definitely a commitment--some people just don't seem to understand that. You have to find joy in the little things--the little things are what make up life.

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

Marriage is harder than anything else I have ever done in my life - including having and raising children. Frank and I often go through periods where we 'love each other' but aren't 'in love with each other'. And yet, here we are. We actually had a discussion similar to your thoughts yesterday while driving downtown . . . we have been through A LOT in our 6 short years of marriage - things that really should have driven us straight to divorce court. But we understand each other and all of our strengths, weaknessess, pluses and minuses - and that has kept us going. Jenn is right - it is finding the love and the joy in the little things. A very lovely post!

Jonny's Mommy said...

Marriage is hard and at times I want to slap my husband around a few times, but then those little moments happen -- like you were saying -- and it hits me: "Dang, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me." I love having him around, but there are also the days I love when he isn't around. What is awesome about marriage is that he is always there for me when I need him. Sure, there are times I wish he was there a little faster, but...he truly is my best friend.

Great post and very thought provoking. I have one I'm going to put up later this week about my husband too. Probably not on V-Day, but another day to go with the Spin Cycle I do with Sprite's Keeper.

Janet said...

You're 100% right. I'm on my second try, and I'm determined this will work. Fortunately, we both agree on that. It really is about acknowledging the tiny little good stuff that makes the big bad stuff not seem so bad.

Sparx said...

Great post. Marriage is so tough but sometimes those real lows are just the outward representation of the inner workings of a marriage breaking down another wall and coming out stronger. Sweet post!