One day this week, Dylan and I made this craft...
I should say... Dylan made the craft... I supervised.
Sweet, right? Right now you're probably envisioning a loving moment between a mother and her child, while she helps him complete a darling craft to hang on the refrigerator.
So now I'm going to let you in on a secret I think you should know. All, or most, of the stuff you see in blogs or on websites, is NOT as you imagine. Here's how this craft REALLY went...
Me: "Dylan, come on. We're going to do a Halloween craft!" (said with enthusiasm)
Dylan: "I'm just doing this right now".
Me: "Dylan, you can finish that later! Don't you want to make a fun craft with me?" (trying to sound enticing)
Dylan: "What are we gonna make?" (not at all sure that it will be "fun")
Me: "We're going to make a handprint ghost! Like the one in that book we got from the library, remember?" (still trying to make it sound exciting)
Dylan: "Oh! Yea! Okay!" (finally won over)
Me: (Getting out the paint supplies, putting a smock on him, looking for black construction paper) "Umm... hmmm... DYLAN! Don't open the paint yet! We aren't even using that color! We're using white!... Where is the white... Oh CRAP! We don't have white?!"
Dylan: "Crap?! What's crap?! No white paint?! Are you sure?"
Me: "Nothing... no... we don't have white paint... "
Dylan: "Well, hooooowwww are we gonna maaaakkkkeee it?" (whining)
Me: "Okay, let me get the computer. I saw another craft online we could make!"
Dylan: "On.. what?"
Me: "On the computer! Just a minute... " (going into the other room, while mumbling to myself)
Me: "We'll make this owl, okay?!" (trying to make the owl sound just as exciting as the ghost)
Dylan: "I can't make thhhhaaaattt! That looks haaarrrddd!"(whining)
Me: "It's not hard. I'll help you. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Do NOT POINT THE SCISSORS AT MY FACE! Give me those scissors!... NO! Don't start drawing on that paper yet! Can you just sit there for ONE MINUTE until I explain what we're gonna do here?"
Dylan: "Well, you're not telling me anything!"
Me: "IT'S BEEN LIKE, TWO SECONDS!... (taking deep, cleansing breaths...) Okay, first trace this circle on the brown paper..."
Dylan: "I can't traaacccceee! It's too hard for me!" (whining)
Me: "Look, I'll show you an easy way to do it... Start at the top and come down this way... That's it!.. Now cut that out".
Dylan: "I need you to make a start line!"
Me: "A what?!... Oh, a start line! Do they do that at school?... Okay, here".
(More of the same while making the other shapes for the owl...)
Me: "WHY ARE YOU CUTTING THAT?! DON'T CUT THAT!! DO I NEED TO TAKE THE SCISSORS AWAY?!"
Dylan: "No. I don't have anything to cut!"
Me: "I'm getting it ready! Give me a second!" (Muttering to self...) "I don't even want to make this stupid craft anymore" (a little too loud apparently)
Dylan: "I don't either!"
Me: "Dylan, we started this craft. We are going to finish this craft!" (more deep, cleansing breaths)
Dylan: "Is this right?" (showing me the owl)
Me: "Um... well... you put that part on backwards".
Dylan: "Oooohhhh Nooooo! It's not riiiiggghhhtt! I messed it up!" (freaking out)
Me: "It's no big deal! Here... I got it off. You can put it on the other way!"
Dylan: "Now it won't stick!! " (still freaking)
Me: "JUST PUT MORE GLUE ON IT! CALM DOWN!"
Dylan: "YOU CALM DOWN!"
Me: "Watch it, kid. You're gonna end up in time out if you talk to me like that!"
Dylan: "Like this?" (instantly calmer)
Me: "Yea... that looks good... Now you just have to put the eyes on".
Dylan: "What about the black part?... Mom! Something went BEEP!"
Me: "OH MY... (catching self)... I forgot the food was in the oven!"
Dylan: "Mom! Look! I finished it! How does it look?... MOM!"
Me: "Dylan, I can't look right now! I have to get the food out of the oven!"
Dylan: "But I finished it! LOOK!"
Me: "Yes, it looks great! We'll have to show it to Daddy (who won't have a clue about the drama involved until he reads this post). Let's put it on the refrigerator!"
Dylan: "Is dinner ready now?! I'm hungry! But there's a big mess on the table! How are we gonna eat?"
Me: "Sigh. Now I remember why I don't do crafts more often".
Dylan: "Why, Mommy?!... WHY?"
Me: "Never mind, honey. Never mind".