(So Not) Love Stories Part 1

One of my new blog buddies, Heather, from Simply Feather, gave me this award...

and tagged me to post 7 Random Things about Myself. Besides her great writing, I love to read her blog to be inspired. She is one crafty gal, and each one of her crafty posts makes me want to sit down and create... something, anything. But, I am sad to say that so far, I haven't actually sat down and created anything after reading one of her posts. Inspiration and motivation are two different things I guess. Then, there is procrastination. We'll talk about that some other time.

Since I did that meme before not once, but twice, and changed the rules, it should come as no surprise that I am also changing the rules this time. In honor of VDay, I thought I would do 7 (So Not) Love Stories From My Past.

1. My first kiss was from my parent's friend's little boy, when I was maybe four years old. My parents have a picture of me pushing him away, with a "COOTIES!" kind of look on my face. Interestingly enough, I ended up going to the prom with that guy... as friends. No kissing was involved.

2. When I was almost 16, I went to a week long camp with two friends. I had gone with a plan. For some reason, it was important to teenage me, that I not be "Sweet 16 and Never Been Kissed". I was getting someone to kiss me at that camp! (If my parents only knew they were sending me to Christian camp for this reason!) My friends and I were hugging people goodbye on the last day, and I hugged a guy I had hung out with during the week. As we pulled away, I said, "How about a kiss?" It was a perfect first kiss, not too long, not too short, just soft and sweet... and I never saw him again. (I didn't kiss anyone else until I was 18!)

3. In high school, my friends and I went to a dance club that had "Under 21" nights. One evening when a slow song came on I became exasperated. "Look at this!!", I shouted to my friends. "The guys stand over here waiting for someone to ask them to dance, and the girls stand over here waiting... and no one ever dances! I am sick of it! I am picking out the best looking guy here and I'm asking him to dance!" I marched up to Hot Guy, asked him to dance and turned around to go back to my friends, (convinced he would say No), when I heard him say "Sure". After we danced, this very large, scary girl got in my face, saying she was going to "kick my ass" for dancing with "her boyfriend". I informed her, "Maybe you should inform him that he's your boyfriend, because he doesn't seem to know". Miraculously, my ass wasn't kicked, and I learned something valuable... Guys are just as scared and insecure as girls are.

4. After I discovered how much guts it takes to ask someone to dance, I vowed that I would say "Yes" to anyone who asked me. It didn't take long for me to revise that proclamation. First, there was the drunk guy whose breath almost made me pass out cold. Then, the rather large gentleman who was sweating so profusely my hands slid right off him. The final straw was when a guy came up behind me and asked. I turned around, said "Sure", and followed him onto the dance floor. As we started dancing, he started talking. I looked past him to where my friend sat, trying to motion to her without him seeing. She didn't understand me and I was struck by a horrible case of the giggles. I had to bury my head in his shoulder (he thought I was into him), to keep from laughing. When I got back to my friend I explained that I was motioning to tell her that he only had 4 teeth!

(I need to watch TV with the star of my real Love Story now, so I'll post 5-7 another day. Hope you can handle the suspense).

The One Who Somehow Got Away

When I was dating, my grandma would say to me, "Well, Jenny. There's plenty of fish in the sea!" I would usually reply, "Yea, but grandma, you have to deal with a lot of worms!" This is a story about one of the worms.

We met at a club. I was dancing with my friend Rebecca, when this huge, sweaty guy leaned over to scream something in my ear. "WHAT?!", I screamed back. "DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU, YOU LOOK LIKE KATE JACKSON?", he inquired, grinning at me. I already don't like you. Why start out with a corny line? Just say hello. Kate Jackson?! Puh-lease. Wow, are you sweaty! And...Big. Nothing wrong with that, but, geez, I don't normally date guys who have bigger boobs than I do! Oh please, just go away!

Sometimes people should really go with their first impression, but I didn't. He kept talking to me all night, and I danced with him against my better judgement, and even gave him my phone number when he asked. Why didn't I give him a fake number? Stupid! Because I am lonely and desperate. It has been far too long since I had a date. Sigh. He seemed nice enough. How bad could it be to go on one stinkin' date?

After talking to him several times on the phone, I deemed him "normal", and we planned our first date. Since we lived about an hour away from each other, I told him I would meet him halfway. He said that there was a great place to go, with batting cages, mini golf, go carts, etc.

At the time of this date, I was going to graduate school, living on campus, in a house with 2 friends. Before I left for the date, I went across the hall to tell them where I was going. They were out. Guess I'll tell them about the date later.

The place with the batting cages, mini golf, go carts, etc was fun. The conversation was flowing nicely, and I was enjoying myself. When we did everything there was to do there, I asked "Now what are we doing?" He answered that it was "a surprise", and that we would have to go in his truck. A surprise! I love it when guys plan surprises! How romantic! We continued to talk, as he drove down the road, but at some point I started noticing that we were a bit off the beaten track.

Where is this guy taking me? There's nothing out here! All I see are fields, a few trees, and some cows. Where are we?
"Where did you say we are going?"
"I didn't. It's a surprise".

Right. A surprise. Where could we possibly be going out here in the middle of no where? There are no businesses out here. I haven't even seen a house for probably a mile now! (Looking at him) Why is he grinning like that? Oh my God! OHMYGOD! What if he is... oh, that is ridiculous... he's just a normal guy... THATS WHAT EVERYONE SAYS ABOUT THE MURDERERS, AFTER THEY KILL PEOPLE!!!...oh man, I need to calm down. It's fine. He's just taking me somewhere...

"Could you just give me a hint about where we are going, please?"
"Nope. All I'll say is that I think you're really going to enjoy it".

OHMYGOD! He's going to rape me, then kill me! No one even knows I am out with this guy! No one knows where I am! I didn't even tell anyone his last name! Wonder if Rebecca could pick him out of a lineup?! How many drinks did she have that night? CRAP! I'M GONNA DIE!!

"What? Oh, yes, it is a pretty sunset".
I hope it isn't the last one I ever see! Oh! I like my life. I don't want to die. He might be bigger than me, but I'm not going down without a fight! (Looking at him again) He's huge! What was I thinking? I am weak. There is no way I can fight him off. Didn't I take a self defense class once? Remember, DamnIt! Remember something! A weapon! I need a weapon of some kind.

(Digging through my purse) Why do I always carry such a small purse? What could possibly be in this tiny thing? Credit cards? What the hell damage am I gonna do with a credit card? What I need is a pen! I could gouge his eyes out with a pen! Wow, could I really do that? That would be so gross. HELLO! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME! Where is my pen?

"What? Oh, we're almost there? Really? So soon?"
WHERE'S MY DAMN PEN?! I'M GONNA DIE! I have to think of something fast. Keys!! I'll jam a key between my fingers and gouge out his eyes with my keys! I can do this! OHMYGOD am I really doing this? (Closing my eyes to say a prayer) Lord, please don't let me die today...

"Here we are! I didn't say you had to close your eyes! I'm sorry it took a while to get here, but I heard this little festival was having fireworks tonight, and you said you love fireworks, so I thought this would be cool. Jen, are you okay? You look a little pale".
(Trying to breathe normally) "I'm fine. Just a little car sick, I guess. It's a fair! Way out here, in the middle of no where! Who would have thought!"

Believe it or not, we actually dated for 3 months after that, before he dumped me. Yep, that's right. The Big Boobed guy dumped ME. Oh well, at least he didn't kill me.

A Fool

(This seemed like an appropriate story on April Fool's Day).

We were fighting again. Lately, it seemed like all we ever did. After 3 1/2 years, and with a wedding being planned, things seemed to be falling apart. As he stood there yelling, in the kitchen of the tiny third floor apartment that I was renting in a lovely old lady's home, I suddenly had a thought. What has happened to me? Why do I put up with this?

Seconds later I had another thought. There's the look. That's what his mother meant. His mother had asked me, years ago, if I ever saw "the look". At the time I had no idea what she was talking about, so she explained. "He sometimes gets this really mean, angry look in his eyes". What she didn't say was that he looked wild, slightly crazy, and scary.

As I brought my focus back to what he was saying, I heard him say, "I am really trying to be giving and supportive of you, but I feel like I'm not getting anything in return". Is he serious?, I thought. I had been giving and supportive for the past 3 1/2 years, putting up with things that most girls would not. The anger started to build inside me, and I spat out, "Oh, that's RICH!" I could tell immediately from his angry glare that he knew what I meant. "Fuck you", he said. As I heard the words coming out of his mouth, I froze. No one had ever said that to me before. I couldn't imagine someone who claimed to love me saying those words.

It was my first out of body experience. I picked up one of the many old lady trinkets that adorned the place and threw it at him. As it crashed into the wall behind him, inches from his head, he looked at me in disbelief. When I realized what I had done, I started shaking. "Get out", I said in a voice that was barely a whisper. Then, louder and louder, "Get out! Get out! Get out!" "I'm not going anywhere", he said. "Then I'm leaving". I ran down the stairs, slammed the door, and started walking as fast as I could towards the library, trying to silence the voice in my head screaming, Who are you?

He was never abusive, but he had some kind of hold over me. I had started to forget who I was, what I thought and felt, and what I wanted. He had this way of twisting things so that I somehow ended up apologizing for things I knew weren't my fault. It hadn't always been like that, though. In the beginning, he pursued me, with grand romantic gestures - with flowers, poetry, songs, and compliments. He was my first real boyfriend. Was I so desperate for a guy to notice me? Was I so blinded by the thrill of being in love, that I failed to see all the warning signs along the road, admonishing, "STOP!", "Wrong way!", "Loser Crossing"?

It perplexes me now, looking back, and thinking about the person I am today. I am certain that this version of myself wouldn't give him the time of day. Why did I then? Have I changed that much? I sometimes think of those 3 1/2 years as wasted time, but I guess if those years made me the strong, wont-take-any-bullshit woman I am today, I am better having experienced it. I learned from it. I learned to pay attention to the way a man treats his mother. I learned that you can't change someone. I learned that no one should have to settle. I learned that I deserve someone who treats me like gold. I learned not to be a fool for love. Please, tell your daughters.