Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Ugly Shirt
I came into the family room, to watch Dylan and Jim playing football. Playing TACKLE football... in the FAMILY ROOM. (Just wanted to point that out to you for some reason). Although I was seriously questioning the brilliance of this particular idea, I WAS thinking how adorable they looked, laughing and tackling each other. I WAS thinking how sweet it was that Jim was being extra careful, and pretending to not be able to tackle Dylan. I WAS thinking about what a great dad Jim is, but I was suddenly distracted by something. VERY distracted. I couldn't focus on anything else actually.
Me: "Jim? Where did you get that shirt?"
Jim: "I don't know".
Me: "You don't know?! Did someone give it to you, or did you buy it?"
Jim: "I don't really remember".
Me: "Are you sure that is a man's shirt?!"
Jim: "Of course it's a man's shirt!"
Me: "Men's shirts never have 3/4 length sleeves!"
Jim: "In the 80's they did!"
Me: Blink. Blink. "You've had that shirt since the 80's?!"
Me: "Um... are you aware that it is 2011?"
Jim: "Is there a problem with this shirt?!"
Me: "Wow. Which problem would you like first?"
Jim: "It's just a shirt I sleep in! Who cares?"
Me: (thinking to myself about the many times that he cuts the grass in his "pajama shirts") "Mmm...hmmm.... It's ridiculously big... What size is it?"
Jim: "I don't know" (Moving over so I can look at the tag)
Me: "Oh for crying out loud! The tag is so old and frayed, I can't even read it! It has to be an extra large, though".
Jim: (crickets) (As far as he was concerned the conversation about the ugly shirt was over).
When I went up to bed that night, the ugly shirt was laying on the bed. On MY SIDE yet! Mocking me. I threw it in the bathroom garbage can. (Oh yes, I DID!)
I was quite certain that it would miraculously find it's way back out of the garbage can later, because, you see, I've married my mother. (Just writing that sentence might require a psychologist visit). I've always loved to throw things away. I find it freeing, getting rid of clutter. Somehow, though, in my childhood home, things would always reappear. I thought I was losing my mind. I thought the house had a ghost. Then, one day, I threw something away in the kitchen, tiptoed down the hall, and waited. Sure enough, I heard something in the garbage... or someone. I caught my mom red handed! "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!", I screamed at my surprised mom. "Well, you might want this... you could use this for..." Yep. I am still hearing that, but now it's in my own house, and it's my husband saying it!
The ugly shirt was at the top of the open garbage can, so I figured the likelihood of me never seeing that shirt again was pretty slim. I figured I would be hearing about it the next day, but do you know? He didn't say one word about it, and I think the shirt was thrown away! Unless he secretly took it out of the garbage and purposefully didn't mention it, because he is just waiting for a perfect opportunity to bust it out and wear it? Oh, geez, now I'm nervous. I'm hoping that this post will not have a Part 2.
I'm hoping that is the end of "The Ugly Shirt".
So, what about you? Does your significant other have an item of clothing that you can't stand and would like to throw away?
(P.S. The shirt he has on in that picture is NOT The Ugly Shirt. He looks great in that shirt. He's a good looking guy, and he should wear shirts that show that. That picture was taken on his birthday this year, the first time I ever wore heels.)