Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Ugly Shirt

I came into the family room, to watch Dylan and Jim playing football.  Playing TACKLE football... in the FAMILY ROOM.  (Just wanted to point that out to you for some reason).  Although I was seriously questioning the brilliance of this particular idea, I WAS thinking how adorable they looked, laughing and tackling each other.  I WAS thinking how sweet it was that Jim was being extra careful, and pretending to not be able to tackle Dylan.  I WAS thinking about what a great dad Jim is, but I was suddenly distracted by something.  VERY distracted.  I couldn't focus on anything else actually.

Me:  "Jim?  Where did you get that shirt?"
Jim:  "I don't know".
Me:  "You don't know?!  Did someone give it to you, or did you buy it?"
Jim:  "I don't really remember".
Me:  "Are you sure that is a man's shirt?!"
Jim:  "Of course it's a man's shirt!"
Me:  "Men's shirts never have 3/4 length sleeves!"
Jim:  "In the 80's they did!"
Me:  Blink. Blink.  "You've had that shirt since the 80's?!"
Jim:  "Yea".
Me:  "Um... are you aware that it is 2011?"
Jim:  "Is there a problem with this shirt?!"
Me:  "Wow.  Which problem would you like first?"
Jim:  "It's just a shirt I sleep in!  Who cares?"
Me:  (thinking to myself about the many times that he cuts the grass in his "pajama shirts") "Mmm...hmmm.... It's ridiculously big... What size is it?"
Jim:  "I don't know" (Moving over so I can look at the tag)
Me:  "Oh for crying out loud!  The tag is so old and frayed, I can't even read it!  It has to be an extra large, though".
Jim:  (crickets)  (As far as he was concerned the conversation about the ugly shirt was over).

When I went up to bed that night, the ugly shirt was laying on the bed.  On MY SIDE yet!  Mocking me.  I threw it in the bathroom garbage can.  (Oh yes, I DID!)

I was quite certain that it would miraculously find it's way back out of the garbage can later, because, you see, I've married my mother.  (Just writing that sentence might require a psychologist visit).  I've always loved to throw things away.  I find it freeing, getting rid of clutter.  Somehow, though, in my childhood home, things would always reappear.  I thought I was losing my mind.  I thought the house had a ghost.  Then, one day, I threw something away in the kitchen, tiptoed down the hall, and waited.  Sure enough, I heard something in the garbage... or someone.  I caught my mom red handed!  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!", I screamed at my surprised mom.  "Well, you might want this... you could use this for..."  Yep.  I am still hearing that, but now it's in my own house, and it's my husband saying it!

The ugly shirt was at the top of the open garbage can, so I figured the likelihood of me never seeing that shirt again was pretty slim.  I figured I would be hearing about it the next day, but do you know?  He didn't say one word about it, and I think the shirt was thrown away!  Unless he secretly took it out of the garbage and purposefully didn't mention it, because he is just waiting for a perfect opportunity to bust it out and wear it?  Oh, geez, now I'm nervous.  I'm hoping that this post will not have a Part 2.
I'm hoping that is the end of "The Ugly Shirt".

So, what about you?  Does your significant other have an item of clothing that you can't stand and would like to throw away?

(P.S. The shirt he has on in that picture is NOT The Ugly Shirt.  He looks great in that shirt.  He's a good looking guy, and he should wear shirts that show that.  That picture was taken on his birthday this year, the first time I ever wore heels.)


blue china studio said...

Why didn't you take a picture of the shirt?! Very funny story, oh my. And I'm sure my boys would be wearing things from elementary school if they could fit their bodies into them. And I understand the pleasure of throwing things away (or recycling)it is very therapeutic!

Jen said...

Blue China Studio,
I should have, but I was so busy getting rid of the shirt, I didn't even think of it! :)

Elissa said...

oh, i'm wishy washy in the middle. i am FOREVER throwing away things I wish I had saved and keeping things that I have no idea WHY I still own them. my parents save everything too, although I am pretty certain I have never caught them actually taking things OUT of the garbage. too funny. frankly, i'm kinda amazed that the shirt lasted that long. my husband seems to burn through them in 6 months or so.... forget 25 years! probably they made them better then :-)

The Girls' Mommy said...

Ron has an old t-shirt with a RED paint stain right smack in the middle of the back hem. Ummm, do I have to tell you what that looks like to a woman??? Its AWFUL. He just doens't get it and he still wears it "to sleep in". So gross.

lisa(rambler) said...

The only bad shirt story I can remember is my dad's ruffled pink one that my brother used to freak out about because he was so afraid everyone would think Dad was gay. Well, anyhow, Dad kept wearing it and I believe it is gone now, but I'm not sure who finally did it in..him, my brother or my Mom. I don't really care as long as someone trashed that tweed jacket he had for so long

JCK said...

I believe there should be evidence of this ugliness of this shirt. We would love to oohh and aaah over the ugliness. LOL.

Too funny on marrying your mothers. We DO do these things, you know. No accidents...

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I am a thrower-awayer and my husband is fine with it.

I don't remember my husband wearing a shirt with 3/4 sleeves even in the 80's!

Great pic of you two.