Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Ride To Preschool

Those of you who have children who are talking, know that in order to survive a car ride to, well, pretty much anywhere, you must create your very own "happy place", that you can retreat to when necessary. Mine is a Dr. Pepper commercial. Today's ride went something like this...

First, the characters.
Grace - 5 yrs old
Bella - 4 yrs old
Lambie - a stuffed lamb that goes everywhere with Bella, and is in a VERY sad state of disrepair
Me - Dylan and I were up at 6am, and I'm tired, but I'm still smiling


Me: "Ok, everybody in!"
Grace & Bella: Plop, plop, THUD, THUD. "AAAHHHH!!!...GRACE!!!...BELLA!!!" (Climbing over each other to get to the preferred carseat)
Me: "Wait, Bella, don't shut the door until I..." SLAM! (Open door. Put her seatbelt on. Go around to put Grace's on. Roll eyes.)
Grace: "Miss Jen, you should get a haircut". (As my hair falls into my face, as I'm straining to get the X*&% seatbelt to click).
Me: "Yes, Grace. I should cut it all off, and go bald".
Grace: "Nooooo! Don't do that. Just cut it, Miss Jen!"
Me: "Ok, Grace". (It's much easier to just agree).
(Driving down the road)
Bella: "Miss Jen!?"
Me: " Yes, Bella?"
Bella: "Did you know it's Lambie's birthday today?"
Me: "No kidding! How old is Lambie? Four?"
Bella: "No, Lambie is thirty six seventeen!"
Me: "Wow! Hey Lambie! I didn't know it was your birthday! (Breaking into song) Happy Birthday to yooooouuuu, Happy Birthday to yooouuu, everybody sing.."
Everybody: "Happy Birthday to Lambie. Happy Birthday to yooouuuu!"
Lambie: ....
(Tap, Tap, Thud. - Bella starts kicking the back of my seat. Happy place time.)
Me: (Singing in my head) Ma, na, Ma na..Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo.
(Tap, Tap, Thud)
Me: Ma, na, Ma, na..
Grace: "GREEN LIGHT!!!"
(I jump. The light has turned green. They laugh).
Bella: "We better tell Miss Jen when the lights turn green, okay Grace?"
Grace: "Okay".
Me: (To myself) "Goody."
(Tap, tap, thud.)
Me: (In my head) "Ma, na, Ma, na..Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo..."
Me: (Upon feeling a cold blast of air on the back of my neck) "What the, Grace! Why is your window down?!"
Grace: "I want it down".
Me: "Grace! It's cold! Put it up!" (Upon feeling a cold blast of air from the other direction) "Bella! Put yours up too! NOW!"
Bella: "I put MINE up, Miss Jen".
Me: "Thank you..Grace?! Put yours up!"
Grace: "I tried. It won't go up".
Me: " Okay, move your fingers away from the window". (I press my button to get it to go up). "LEAVE THEM UP!"
Grace & Bella: "O-kay...GREEN LIGHT!!!!"
Me: (After I jump) Ma na, Ma na..
(Tap, tap, thud).
Me: Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo.
Bella: "Miss Jen?!"
Me: "Yes, Bella?"
Bella: "Am I being good?"
Me: "Yes, pretty good, so far."
Bella: "My daddy said if I'm nice to you today (unlike yesterday), I can get a rainbow popsicle!"
Me: "Oh, really?"
Bella: "Yep! I love those!"
Me: "Who doesn't?"
Bella: "Huh?"
Me: "Nothing". (Note to self: Sarcasm is lost on preschoolers).
(Tap, tap, thud).
Me: Ma na, Ma na...
Grace: "Miss Jen? Is this your daddy's car?"
Me: "Yes, Grace".
Grace: "Why did you bring your daddy's car?"
Me: "Grace, I've explained this, like, 100 times, but here we go again. My car has Dylan's huge carseat in it, and I couldn't fit you and Bella's carseats too. I take my daddy's car and leave him with mine so if he needs to go somewhere with Dylan he can. Make sense?"
Grace: "Uh, huh".
Me: "Hey, Grace, don't forget to ask me the same exact question tomorrow, okay?"
Grace: "Okay".
(Note to self: Hello? Don't you listen?)
Grace & Bella: "GREEN LIGHT!!!"
Me: "Aaarrgghh! Stop doing that!)
(Tap, tap, thud)
Bella: "Miss Jen! Lambie wants to go on the rocky side!"
Me: "Hey Lambie! Just sit back and enjoy the ride."
Lambie: .....
Me: "That's what I'm doing". Ma na, Ma na. Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo. Ma na, ma na. Doo-doo-doo-doo. Ma na, ma na. Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo)

14 comments:

Bia said...

My friend and I have been carpooling to our Catholic school for 8 years. Since she works, she drives in the morning and I pick up in the afternoon. She's lucky. In the morning no one talks, but in the afternoon, the whole van of boys is totally rocking! Your preschool ride sounds like ours, only on a middle school level (although my toddler does an excellent job of keeping up!).

Julia said...

OH MY GOD! Is that the MahNa MahNa song?! I don't know the Dr Pepper commercial but I think it might also be the same song that the muppets sang in their first skit ever, and Sesame Street has done it, too. We LOVE that song! I just bought it on iTunes for Ronnie. Our entire family sings it and it cracks us up. I wonder if its the same song you're thinking of? Is it this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YevYBsShxNs

Janet said...

Julia's right, it is the same song the Muppets did. Originally it was done on Sesame Street, and instead of the pink cow muppets singing the "do do do", there were little space creatures that sang, "beep, beep, beep, beepeep." There, I've just showed my age!

Kellan said...

Just sit back and enjoy the ride ... perfect!

Zoe said...

yes. this.is.so.my.life. the boys fight over which one gets to "tell me the lights" and who gets to "tell me the way". ugg.

Pam said...

Great post! I often have to find my happy place...oh the kicking seat thing...is that a gene that kids are born with? And the asking questions over and over....okay, now I need my happy place just thinking about it....

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Oh, how I strongly dislike the seat kicking thing. As if they didn't kick us enough in utero, they think they have to continue on for years after birth. I might try the Dr. Pepper song next time a certain someone is kicking the crap out of me.

Karen said...

It gets way more interesting with the child who drones loudly as long as the engine is running.

Shellie said...

Ok, I always have one making a intermittent sound like a car squealing while the other is doing the crazy frog song or something like that and then usually someone else wants them to be quiet so they start screaming... at some point I just learned to tune most things out. So funny how parallel our lives can be, the other day I started writing a post about one of my latest lovely car rides...Haven't finished it yet though, it's still too painful to relive the details.

Shellie said...

Ok, I always have one making a intermittent sound like a car squealing while the other is doing the crazy frog song or something like that and then usually someone else wants them to be quiet so they start screaming... at some point I just learned to tune most things out. So funny how parallel our lives can be, the other day I started writing a post about one of my latest lovely car rides...Haven't finished it yet though, it's still too painful to relive the details.

Shellie said...

Ok, I always have one making a intermittent sound like a car squealing while the other is doing the crazy frog song or something like that and then usually someone else wants them to be quiet so they start screaming... at some point I just learned to tune most things out. So funny how parallel our lives can be, the other day I started writing a post about one of my latest lovely car rides...Haven't finished it yet though, it's still too painful to relive the details.

tommie said...

That is hilarious....I could have written that exact same post!

Kellan said...

Hey Jen - thanks for coming over and leaving the nice Anniversary wish. Have a great weekend and see you soon - Kellan

Jen said...

Bia, I can't imagine a whole van full of middle school boys! You must need a special "happy place".

Julia, Yep, we're singing the same song!

Janet, "Beep, Beep, Beep" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Zoe, don't you love when they are screaming "Left!", and there is no road going left?

Pam, I'm thinking if I switch the car seats, the kicking seat problem might be solved. One child is usually "the kicker", so I just need her seat to be on the other side.

BBM, Have you seen the commercial? I wish they would play it again. It always cracked me up.

Karen, Yikes! Does turning the radio up help?

Shellie, how does the crazy frog song go? I'm always looking for new material.

Tommie, thanks for stopping by!

Kellan, did you actually write and thank every single person who commented Happy Anniversary?! You are awesome!