Those of you who have children who are talking, know that in order to survive a car ride to, well, pretty much anywhere, you must create your very own "happy place", that you can retreat to when necessary. Mine is a Dr. Pepper commercial. Today's ride went something like this...
First, the characters.
Grace - 5 yrs old
Bella - 4 yrs old
Lambie - a stuffed lamb that goes everywhere with Bella, and is in a VERY sad state of disrepair
Me - Dylan and I were up at 6am, and I'm tired, but I'm still smiling
Me: "Ok, everybody in!"
Grace & Bella: Plop, plop, THUD, THUD. "AAAHHHH!!!...GRACE!!!...BELLA!!!" (Climbing over each other to get to the preferred carseat)
Me: "Wait, Bella, don't shut the door until I..." SLAM! (Open door. Put her seatbelt on. Go around to put Grace's on. Roll eyes.)
Grace: "Miss Jen, you should get a haircut". (As my hair falls into my face, as I'm straining to get the X*&% seatbelt to click).
Me: "Yes, Grace. I should cut it all off, and go bald".
Grace: "Nooooo! Don't do that. Just cut it, Miss Jen!"
Me: "Ok, Grace". (It's much easier to just agree).
(Driving down the road)
Bella: "Miss Jen!?"
Me: " Yes, Bella?"
Bella: "Did you know it's Lambie's birthday today?"
Me: "No kidding! How old is Lambie? Four?"
Bella: "No, Lambie is thirty six seventeen!"
Me: "Wow! Hey Lambie! I didn't know it was your birthday! (Breaking into song) Happy Birthday to yooooouuuu, Happy Birthday to yooouuu, everybody sing.."
Everybody: "Happy Birthday to Lambie. Happy Birthday to yooouuuu!"
(Tap, Tap, Thud. - Bella starts kicking the back of my seat. Happy place time.)
Me: (Singing in my head) Ma, na, Ma na..Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo.
(Tap, Tap, Thud)
Me: Ma, na, Ma, na..
Grace: "GREEN LIGHT!!!"
(I jump. The light has turned green. They laugh).
Bella: "We better tell Miss Jen when the lights turn green, okay Grace?"
Me: (To myself) "Goody."
(Tap, tap, thud.)
Me: (In my head) "Ma, na, Ma, na..Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo..."
Me: (Upon feeling a cold blast of air on the back of my neck) "What the, Grace! Why is your window down?!"
Grace: "I want it down".
Me: "Grace! It's cold! Put it up!" (Upon feeling a cold blast of air from the other direction) "Bella! Put yours up too! NOW!"
Bella: "I put MINE up, Miss Jen".
Me: "Thank you..Grace?! Put yours up!"
Grace: "I tried. It won't go up".
Me: " Okay, move your fingers away from the window". (I press my button to get it to go up). "LEAVE THEM UP!"
Grace & Bella: "O-kay...GREEN LIGHT!!!!"
Me: (After I jump) Ma na, Ma na..
(Tap, tap, thud).
Me: Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo.
Bella: "Miss Jen?!"
Me: "Yes, Bella?"
Bella: "Am I being good?"
Me: "Yes, pretty good, so far."
Bella: "My daddy said if I'm nice to you today (unlike yesterday), I can get a rainbow popsicle!"
Me: "Oh, really?"
Bella: "Yep! I love those!"
Me: "Who doesn't?"
Me: "Nothing". (Note to self: Sarcasm is lost on preschoolers).
(Tap, tap, thud).
Me: Ma na, Ma na...
Grace: "Miss Jen? Is this your daddy's car?"
Me: "Yes, Grace".
Grace: "Why did you bring your daddy's car?"
Me: "Grace, I've explained this, like, 100 times, but here we go again. My car has Dylan's huge carseat in it, and I couldn't fit you and Bella's carseats too. I take my daddy's car and leave him with mine so if he needs to go somewhere with Dylan he can. Make sense?"
Grace: "Uh, huh".
Me: "Hey, Grace, don't forget to ask me the same exact question tomorrow, okay?"
(Note to self: Hello? Don't you listen?)
Grace & Bella: "GREEN LIGHT!!!"
Me: "Aaarrgghh! Stop doing that!)
(Tap, tap, thud)
Bella: "Miss Jen! Lambie wants to go on the rocky side!"
Me: "Hey Lambie! Just sit back and enjoy the ride."
Me: "That's what I'm doing". Ma na, Ma na. Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo. Ma na, ma na. Doo-doo-doo-doo. Ma na, ma na. Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo)