Tuesday, October 4, 2011

You Never Know What The Dollar Aisle Will Bring

Today is PROMPTuesday over at San Diego Momma's.  This time it was... Write in the style of an unreliable narrator. Take an unremarkable incident or phase in your life and turn it into something BIG, something over the top, somethingEXTRAORDINARY.

Once upon a time, (just yesterday), I came upon some small white baskets in the dollar section of Target.
I bought two, and figured they might come in handy.

Later that evening, I went in the master bathroom, and looked in the cupboard for something.  I couldn't find it, because the cupboard was a hot mess.  I decided to organize the items in the closet with the dollar baskets I purchased.

When my husband came home from work, he was so impressed with my remarkable organizational skills that he decided he must take some pictures.  He took the pictures into work, at the advertising agency where he works, the next day.  While showing everyone, and bragging about his amazing wife, Gwyneth Paltrow walked by the office.  She was there to film a commercial about how difficult it is to be a mom for some product designed to make a mother's life easier.  When she saw the pictures, she decided that she had to have me organize the closet in Apples bedroom.  She asked if 30,000 would be a fair price.  I told her I thought I could swing it.

After I organized Apple's closet, Gwyneth loved it so much, that she contacted her good buddy Oprah to tell her about it.  Oprah was so impressed that she decided to do a feature on it in her magazine.  She also asked me to organize her shoe room.  I did that for 100,000 and she was so thrilled with it she tried to kiss me full on the mouth, before her bodyguard had the audacity to tackle ME to the ground, breaking my arm.

I sued Oprah and the whole Oprah posse for many millions, but waited until AFTER my feature ran in the magazine.  I am now the "Organizer to the Stars", and because I have tried so diligently not to become a snobby rich person, you can still occasionally see me gracing the dollar aisle at Target, where it all started.

(In truth, when I showed my husband the closet, he said, "So THIS is the answer to all our problems, huh?!", in a totally sarcastic, snarky way.  But, inside I know his heart was palpitating with excitement and in awe of my skills.  I could just tell).


Glennis said...

Scourge of Oprah! Hilarious!! I love it.

Brooke said...

Men do love an organized closet! Lol

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