The Peanut Allergy : Part 3

Yep, there actually is a Part 3 to the peanut allergy post!

When I asked Dylan what he wanted to take in for his birthday snack (which was today), can you guess what he said?  If you guessed COOKIE CAKE you are correct!  I promised him that he would finally get to eat a cookie cake at school.

Yesterday, I dropped him off at my mother-in-laws, so I could go get my hair cut.  Jim was going to pick him up later, on his way home from work.  After my hair cut, I came home and cleaned the downstairs bathroom, which was beyond gross.  Then, I decided to reward myself by finally watching "Crazy Stupid Love", while I ate dinner.  I never could eat dinner by myself unless the TV is on - too depressing.  I loved the movie, and it made me really appreciate what I have, especially my two favorite guys.

I was wondering where they were!  It was almost 8:30 and they weren't home yet.  I started to worry.  Then, I started organizing the papers in the kitchen, and realized in horror that I never bought the cookie cake - for the next day!  I would have to run out to the store.  But, I wanted to say goodnight to Dylan.  So, I waited until the finally got home, kissed Dylan goodnight, and ran out to the store (in my pajamas!) at 9pm to buy a cookie cake.

This morning, my dad was taking Dylan to school so Jim and I could tour a school.  I made sure he took the cookie cake, and told Dylan that Jim and I would pick him up later.  While we were out, I got a call on my cell, but I didn't recognize the number, so I didn't answer.  Now, here's the crazy part...

When we picked Dylan up, the teacher handed me the UNEATEN COOKIE CAKE!  Apparently there was smoke in the school, and no one could figure out where the smoke was coming from.  The fire trucks came and the day was generally chaotic, and they weren't able to serve the cookie cake.  Can you believe that?!  (Oh, the call was from them, to tell the parents about the smoke).

So, they don't know if the kids will have school on Monday or not  (the day of the Thanksgiving show - that Jim already took 1/2 day off for!).  If they do, we were told we can take the cookie cake in then.

I felt so bad for Dylan, but there he was, smiling and excited to see us.  I was so proud, we took him to Max & Erma's for lunch to get some cookies!

Peanut Allergies Stink

Dylan has a "moderate" nut allergy.  He's had two allergy "attacks" that I've witnessed.  While scary, they were not the rush to the hospital kind of attack, but did require Benadryll.  We've had him tested, and the doctor said to avoid all nut products, but that we don't have to be concerned with things that say "made in a place that also makes nut products" (or whatever it usually says).  We can eat peanut butter around him - he just can't have any.

Dylan is great about it all.  If he is at a party, or somewhere I'm not, he always asks someone "Does that have nuts in it?", before eating something he's not sure about.  He's never seemed sad or upset about the peanut allergy - just very matter of fact.

When I went through his Halloween treats, taking out anything with nuts, he didn't seem to care.  He did want to count and organize them, before I separated them, but other than that, no big deal.  I've wonder at times if it bothers him, though.  When we meet friends at the park for a playdate, and the other kids are eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I wonder.  When we went to someone's house, and they had just made peanut butter cookies, and offered us some, I wondered.  When I hear him explaining it to another kid who wants to give him something with peanuts, I wonder.

Today, we were sitting eating lunch, and I was trying to pry some information about school out of him.  He finally threw me a morsel.
D:  "Well, it was Connor's birthday today".
Me: "Oh... What did you have for snack then?"
D:  "I had goldfish".
Me:  "Connor brought in goldfish for his birthday snack?!"
D:  "No, he brought in a cookie cake".
Me:  (slowly understanding)... "So, your teachers weren't sure if it had nuts in it, so you had to eat goldfish?"
D:  "Yea".
Me:  "Did that make you sad?"
D:  "... Well... a little bit..."
Me:  "Does that happen a lot?"
D:  "Well... sometimes".

The whole thing just made ME sad.  I thought back to the first day of school, when the teacher called me to ask if he could have one of the doughnuts that someone brought.  I THOUGHT I had explained that they don't need to be super concerned about the nut allergy.  I figured since I hadn't heard anything since, that it wasn't an issue.  I discovered that wasn't the case.

Just last week, we had a friend over from school.  His mom told me that when it was her son's turn to take in a snack, that he told her, "We have to make sure the snack doesn't have nuts, because I don't want Dylan to have to eat goldfish AGAIN!"  How sweet is that?

I was talking to Jim on the phone, and told him about the conversation with Dylan.
Me:  "So the other kids were all eating their piece of cookie cake, singing "Happy Birthday", and poor Dylan was sitting there eating goldfish!" (I told Jim)
D: (who was coloring in the other room)  "HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!?"
I think he was worried I was out in the bushes, spying on him!  You should have seen the look on his face!  I tried to explain that I just "imagined it", but he was still looking at me funny.

I guess I don't blame the teachers for being concerned, but I wish they had let me know what was happening.  The plan is that I will pick up some single serve bags, with things that Dylan would be excited to eat ( like Chips A Hoy cookies - not TOO different from a cookie cake), and take them to school.  Well that, and an Epi-Pen.

("Peanut or Groundnut" photo by Stoonn)

Some Christmas Surprises

Weeks ago, when we asked Dylan what he wanted for Christmas, the only thing he would say was "New markers!"

Before he could talk, when I would take him to the mall, and start to get close to the Santa line, he would get a frantic look in his eyes and sign "All done!"  When he could talk, the answer to "Do you want to see Santa?" was always, "No.  No. Not really.  No".  I wasn't going to push it.  I was somewhat proud, to be honest.  Sitting on some guy's lap you don't know isn't a great idea, if you really think about it.

This year was looking to be a repeat of last year.  Every night at dinner, Jim drinks a Coke.  Every night at dinner, Dylan would ask Jim to turn the Coke can around, so he didn't have to look at the picture of Santa!  

So, this....

was a bit of a shock.  My parents took him to the mall one day, and returned with this, much to our surprise.  A few days earlier, while we were eating, I asked Dylan, 

"Are you excited about the presents you're going to get for Christmas?  What do you think you'll get from Santa?"  

"Well, I want him to bring me paper for upstairs, because we ran out".

"Paper for upstairs?", Jim replied.  "I don't think "Santa" knew you wanted paper.  All you said you wanted was markers".

"You and Mommy are getting me markers, but I want Santa to bring paper".

"Well, you really should have told Santa that.  I don't think he knows.  You might need to write him a letter."

I guess he decided he didn't have time to write a letter, so he would have to go straight to the big man himself.  I'm pretty sure my kid might be the only kid in America who sat on Santa's lap and just asked him for paper!

The other Christmas surprise was a very large, very expensive one.  Jim and I had planned not to buy each other anything this year.  But, as is often the case, things didn't go according to plan.  When this...

completely died the week before Christmas, we didn't have much of a choice.  So, I got a clean, new refrigerator for Christmas.  WOOHOO!  Not exactly what I wanted, but when you don't have a working refrigerator, you really, really appreciate the beauty of a new one.  (I didn't take a picture of the new one.  It is basically the same, just shinier, cleaner, and with a little more space).

The last Christmas surprise was at Dylan's new preschool.  First, there was a field trip on the day that was going to be his first day, so I postponed it.  Then, school was cancelled due to the weather the next day that was supposed to be his first day.  So, his first day ended up being ONE day before the Christmas program.  We didn't have high expectations for the Christmas program.  So, when Dylan came through the doors dressed as Joseph, we were shocked.

(I wish I could show you a picture of "Mary".  Let's just say she looked...

less than thrilled about standing next to her fiance).

When they handed my kid a horse on a stick, which was supposed to be the donkey, Jim looked at me and said, "Did they really just hand him a STICK?!  They don't know him very well yet".  Minutes later, all the kids were sitting on the floor, hidden from sight, while one teacher started to tell the Christmas story.  Suddenly, a horse head appeared above the pew.  Up and down, up and down.  Jim's face turned red, and he started to shake, trying not to laugh.  When the teacher walked over and calmly pushed the horse head down, only to have it pop back up again, I almost snorted.

Soon, all the kids were around the manger, one little girl holding a star on a stick high above everyone.  Suddenly, the horse head was up in the air, bobbing around, and coming dangerously close to taking out Mary, or knocking baby Jesus out of the manger.  Would you believe that the video camera ran out of battery before we got that gem on tape?!  And, then, my camera battery died!  All I had was my crappy point and shoot, which gives everyone eerie white eyes.  GAH!

You'll never see the Christmas story in quite the same way, will you?

It Will Be Okay

I was a little worried when I wrote the previous post that it would be misunderstood.  I didn't want people to worry, or think that something terrible was happening.  Plenty of others have written similar posts, and no one batted an eyelash.  So, why did mine get such a reaction?

I think my dad summed it up when he said, "You've never written one like that before".  Yes, I do try to be a positive person in real life, and on my blog.  Maybe some would say that I appear to have it all together.  But, the truth is... I don't.  Some days it's mostly together, some days it's sort of together, some days it's spilling out the sides, and oozing onto the carpet.

Let's be real.  My house is never as clean as it should be.  There is always more organizing I would like to do.  I never cook a meal that would impress anyone.  I rarely leave the house thinking, "Damn, I look good".  (I'm laughing even as I write that).  Jim and I don't have date nights nearly often enough.  There are two rooms in my house that are a complete disaster (the studio and spare bedroom), and have been since we moved in.  I can NOT seem to get a handle on all the mail and paper clutter.

Why am I telling you all this?  So that you know you're not the only one who struggles to juggle it all.  We're all stressed.  We all have days when we just want to cry.  Even men, although they might not admit it.  So, yes, I am fine.

Three weeks ago, I lost my 20 hour a week nanny job.  The other nanny for the family told them she needs to work full time, and she's been around longer.  This is my last week.  Truthfully, when I found out, my initial reaction was complete relief.  Which was quickly followed by fear, and thoughts of "What am I gonna do?"  I  have to work.  Even working 20 hours a week, we were struggling.

I've been struggling with the question "What do I want to do?" since high school.  I always had many interests, but there wasn't one dominant thing I knew I wanted to do.  Recently, when I asked myself, "What do you want to do?", the only clear answer was, "Not be a nanny!"

My first nanny job (in 2004) was fantastic.  I loved those sweet girls and they loved me.  I remember calling Jim once and saying, "I'm sitting in the sun, at the zoo, and getting paid to watch them play!"

My second nanny job was pretty good also.  I loved the couple I worked for, and the baby girl was mostly pleasant and adorable.  After that job, though, (aside from the "Dream Job", which only lasted a short time as dreams usually do), things have steadily gone downhill.

I'm DONE.  I NEED to do something else.  So, I had an interview last week, and I've taken a new job.  It is a research position, through Pitt campus, in which I will go into preschools and conduct tests one on one with the children, to learn about pre-writing development.  I'm excited about it, but also nervous and uncertain.  Who knows if I will enjoy it?  Also, it doesn't start until March, with some training in February.

In the meantime, I'm doing some work online.  Yes, I know that is terribly vague - sorry.  I can't talk about it until I am doing it successfully.  My ego NEEDS to not fail at this, so that is where the pressure lies.

The other stress involves Dylan.  Because I lost my job, and our finances are teetering at the edge of a cliff, we decided to switch to a less expensive preschool.  This will be the THIRD preschool the poor kid has been in.  He doesn't seem to care, but I am nervous.  There are so many unknowns at the new place, and in the coming months in general.

But, as someone wise once said, "To attain success, the first step you take will be to make the decision to START".   Here we go...

Notes

One day, at the beginning of my sophomore year in high school, I came home and told my mom, "There were some kids smoking something in the back of the bus, and the smell made me feel weird".  My mom started driving me to school after that. (Ha!  Love you, Mom!)

I remember one time I left her a note in the car, saying something like, "Thanks for always driving me to school, Mom!  I appreciate it!"  Years and years later, I saw that she still had that note.  I mean, a teenager, thanking their parent for something?!  She probably should have framed it.

She used to put little notes in my school lunches.  Just silly little things.  They didn't say much, but I remember liking it.  I'm sure I never told her that - heaven forbid.  It was just a simple little way to show she cared.

For a few months now, I've been doing something similar.  When I pick Dylan up from preschool, I usually arrive five or ten minutes early, so I make a doodle, or write something on a piece of paper, and leave it sitting on his car seat.  I tell him "I left you a message!"

Truth be told, it all started because I was having a heck of a time getting him into the car.  "I wanna ring the bell!" (The school is at a church, and there is a bell outside).  "I wanna touch the flag!"  "Look at the flower!"  "There's a stick/rock/leaf!"  "DYLAN!  GET IN THE CAR!!!"  After a few hundred times, I finally realized that I should be using my head, instead of my big mouth.  You have to be crafty with these little people.

The next day, when I picked him up, I told him, "I left a message for you in the car!"  He couldn't get in fast enough!  Now, obviously, he can't read, except for his name, and maybe 10 other small words, but it doesn't matter.  I made something for him.  I wrote something for him.  He matters to me.  That's the message.

The Easter Bonnet

I have MAJOR issues with the art projects done at Dylan's preschool.  MAJOR, as in my husband probably really, really wishes I'd shut up about it.

But when Dylan walked into the pick up room today, (first, no less), wearing this...

I would have paid good money to see my husband's reaction.  I'm pretty sure it would have been worth it.
(By the way, Jim, Dylan couldn't have ripped that thing off his head any faster.  Then, he threw it on the floor, and stepped on it.  I kept it, though.  In case you'd like to try it on).

The Preschool Decision

After the Dream School, I toured four other places. At the first, the director rushed me through the place in 15 minutes, and the teacher was so mousey, I couldn't even imagine her raising her voice.

The second place was recommended by several moms in the Mom's Club whose children attend or have attended. I like the place, but I had 2 issues. One, I was able to just walk into the place, and go through the whole building without anyone asking who I was. Not very safe. Two, the director was also the lead teacher of the room Dylan would be in. I don't see how she can do both effectively. She was nice, though, and the kids seemed to be learning a lot. I figured I would most likely choose that place.

The third place was a Montessori school. There were aspects of it I liked - the hands on learning and the combined age groups. But, there were aspects of it that I just really didn't get. For one thing, the kids don't eat snack all together at the same time. There is a small table that seats 3 kids, and they are "free to go over when they are hungry and help themselves to a snack". Uh, I don't know about your kid, but mine thinks he's hungry any time he sees someone else eating. If I grab a granola bar, he wants some, even if he just ate 5 minutes ago. He's a social eater, and with that philosophy, I'm afraid he'd be eating all day.

Another weird thing - if 2 adults are talking, the kids are taught to come over and touch the adults shoulder as a cue, rather than interrupt. I get that. But, the adult then asks, "What's your MESSAGE?" The director said it makes them feel like what they have to say isn't important if we say "What?", or "What do you want?" What's wrong with "Yes?", or "What did you want to say?" "What's your MESSAGE?" just sounds weird to me. Isn't a message something someone tells you to tell another person?

I also worried that this Montessori school (I don't know about others), stressed individual work too much. I want Dylan to socialize with his peers, not sit off by himself all day.

I couldn't get a tour with the fourth place until the day before registration at the second place. The director was warm and caring and I liked her immediately. My thinking is that if the director is warm and caring, she'll probably want to hire people who are the same.

I explained the dilemma I'm having with Dylan. (His birthday being in November, and him being advanced academically. My concern that he would be bored in the 3 year old class. The fact that his current teachers say that he doesn't really play with the other kids, but prefers the teachers attention.) She really listened and asked the appropriate questions to help figure out the best solution.

As we walked through all the rooms, I was impressed at how engaged the children were. The activites were hands on, and fun, and I didn't see a single behavior problem! After talking for a while, the director said, "I feel really bad, because I think your son would do best in the 4 year old room, but that room is already full".

I figured that made my decision easy. I would have to choose the second school. Then, later that afternoon she called me and said they decided to make a spot for Dylan if we wanted it. We wanted it. Now, we'll just wait and see if we made the right choice.

(P.S. I still haven't ruled out The Dream School for the future, because if anything, I am a dreamer).

The Dream School

Some of you said that you wanted to hear about the new preschool I chose for Dylan. To do that, I have to give the back story...

When I worked for The Dream Family, I tried to figure out what exactly made the two boys (age 7 and 10 at the time), such amazing kids. In all my years of working with children, I had never met such kind, respectful, creative and intelligent boys. What made them that way? Was it the parents? Was it because their mom had stayed home? Was it the other nanny, that had assisted the mom since they were born? Was it because they didn't watch TV? Or, was it the private school they attended?

I just had to know, so back in November Jim and I went to the school's Open House. As soon as we walked into the school, a delightful fifth grade boy approached us. "Hello! My name is Jack, and I'll be your tour guide". As Jim put it when someone asked if we liked the school, "They had us at "Hello"".

Jack was an amazing kid. As he took us into each room, he would introduce us to the teacher, and then stand politely to the side, while we spoke to them. Two things struck me the most during the tour. One, the enthusiasm that each teacher had for their subject. It was infectious. I told Jim, "I want to go here!"

The second thing was the way each teacher spoke to Jack. They all knew him, and commented on things that they knew he was interested in. This was not a cookie cutter, worksheet kind of place. (I despise worksheets). The kids are actively involved in their learning. They move around the room, working in groups, debating ideas, discussing solutions, and motivating each other.

For the first time in years, I actually wanted to go back to teaching. This place is MY dream school. It embodies every belief I have about education. I wanted to sign Dylan up on the spot. I was screwed.

See, the Dream Family is able to send their kids there because, well, they have Dream money, and we... uh... don't. Yes, the school offers grants and scholarships, but they are difficult to get.

I made an appointment to meet with the Director of Admissions to discuss a few things. I was in her office for an HOUR. She was delightful, as well. She spoke to me for 1/2 hour AFTER I told her we can't afford the school. A couple days later, she sent me a hand-written note, saying how much she enjoyed meeting me, and to keep her updated about Dylan. A HANDWRITTEN NOTE?!? Who does that anymore? As I mentioned, I was screwed.

Every school I went to after that paled in comparison. I was going to have to choose between Nothing At All Like The Dream School, Only Slightly Like The Dream School, and Only Somewhat Similar To The Dream School. Screwed.

(I'll continue this in the next post).

I'm Not Even Sure Where IT Is Right Now

I try to keep this blog positive, for the most part, for several reasons. One, because I try to be a positive person in "real" life, so why be a downer on my blog? Two, because I want people to enjoy reading my blog, not feel the need to go grab a Prozac after reading one of my posts. Three, because I don't really want documentation of my problems.

To some, it might look like I have IT all together. But, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Come closer. Lean in. (Whispering)... I don't. (Don't tell anyone).

I was sick with bronchitis and a bruised rib the whole month of December. Because of that, I didn't get anything done. It hurt trying to bring heavy laundry baskets up two flights of stairs, so not much laundry was done. I was too weak to clean. I really just focused on getting through my days, doing just the absolute necessities.

In January, I learned that registration for preschool was coming up in the middle of February. Since then, finding a new preschool for Dylan has been my main focus. I researched schools online. Then, I asked the 50 or so members of the Mom's Club for school recommendations. Then, I toured 5 schools. I was amazed at how different they all were. My head has been swimming with information, confused and overwhelmed.

I remember when I taught preschool years ago, and a mother actually cried on my shoulder because her son didn't get into the school she wanted him to go to. At the time, I thought she was insane. Now, I can relate. Choosing a school is stressful!

Spending a lot of time focusing on schools has meant that other things aren't getting done. I'm still not caught up from December, and now I'm getting further behind! Work has been stressful (some of you know my employer's dog ate my boots this week - the only winter boots I have). Dylan has been... three. The person who coined the phrase "terrible twos"? Their child clearly hadn't reached three yet.

The thing that really bothers me is that I haven't been making a lot of time for friends lately. I missed a good friend's birthday. I let the day go by - the week go by even - without a card, an email, a gift, or a call.

My kitchen looks like this...






I am simply not brave enough to show you what my bathrooms look like.


BUT, I chose a preschool!! It was down to the last minute, hours from the deadline, me torn between two schools. Of course, I don't know if I made the right choice. Only time will tell, but at least I can focus on something else for a while. Cleaning the house might be a good idea? I better get IT back together, or I'll start doing things like this. (By the way, when I saw that milk, I laughed... until I cried. Which should have given me a clue that my mental state was a bit... off. Either that, or I'm becoming my grandfather).

Recent Dylan Developments 2

Here is the description of the "Just for Twos" class that Dylan is currently in, even though he turned 3 in November, (because these places are all SO strict about them turning whatever age BEFORE September 1st)...

"The primary purpose of the class is to teach a child to separate comfortably from his parents, (HA! he has barely said goodbye since day 1), to be happy in the time he spends at preschool, and to know that his parents always return for him at a given time. We learn about weather, colors and numbers 1-5. Our goals include learning to have and to be a friend, and learning to follow directions and safety rules".

Okay, let's break this down. Is he happy there? I don't honestly know. Lately, he says he doesn't want to go. When I pick him up, he doesn't seem thrilled or upset. He doesn't tell me much about it. I'm pretty sure he has understood the terms "windy, cloudy, rainy, and sunny" for some time. He's known his colors for a long time. They discuss a color a month. A MONTH. Recently he asked me, "Mommy, are we STILL going to be talking about blue?" He's known the numbers 1-5 for a long time.

Learning to have and to be a friend? That is the main reason I sent him to preschool. As an only child, who is mainly around adults, he needs that social interaction. He needs to learn to share. He needs to learn that he is not the boss. He needs to learn to compromise. About a month ago, he brought home his class picture. I asked him the kids' names. He knew three of the 17 names. The fact that my kid, who has an amazing memory, cannot tell me more than 3 names tells me that "learning to have and to be a friend" is not really a focus in the class. Either that, or he is just failing miserably at it, and that makes me sad.

He can follow directions. The question is, does he want to? He's a stubborn three year old boy, so I don't know how that aspect goes. I don't know, because the teachers don't tell me ANYTHING. I used to be a preschool teacher, so this fact makes me a little... GAH!!!

When I heard that registration for next year is coming up on February 16th, I got a little(understatement) anxious. What am I gonna do? Then, one day, completely on his own, he started doing this...

and this...

and this...

And, now, I am spending all my free time researching and touring preschools. Oh my, oh my, oh my. I have come to the realization that I have VERY strong opinions about education. I am downright obnoxious and I have an opinion about every little aspect. Yes, I am one of THOSE parents. You know, the annoying ones? Hi! That's me. BUT! I'm also one of those parents that truly appreciates the good stuff the teachers and the school do. I'm verbal about it. I will sing your praises to anyone who will listen... if I think you are worthy. Yep, I just wrote "worthy". Like I said, Obnoxious.