The Boat is Taking On Water

Remember when I wrote a post about how mothers are the captain of the ship and make sure everything is "smooth sailing"?  Well, my ship feels like it is sinking.  My "new" job?  The one in which I was doing testing at preschools, for a research project for a college?  Well, as of tomorrow, it is in the "old" job category.  I won't go into ALL of it.  But, I will say that when I interviewed for the job, I said I needed 20 hours a week.  I was getting about 9 hours over the course of 3 days!  I was spending as much time driving around, as I was working.

So, this week and last, I've been working my new 2 day a week nanny job, AND my two week notice for the "old" job.  Plus, we had to drive to Erie last weekend, (which should be a 3 hour drive, but with the ridiculous traffic that day, took us 5 hours), to go to Jim's uncle's funeral.  Let me just say that I really don't know how you moms who work full time do it.  Seriously....HOW?!?

So, on top of all that, there was Mother's Day, my 9 year anniversary, (which is today), and Dylan's field trip at school (this morning).  Today is the only day off I have this week luckily, so I was able to go on the field trip.  To be honest, I was sort of dreading it.  We were going to tour a local pet store.  "Tour" implies a lot of talking and a lot of standing, you know... still.  Not one of Dylan's strengths.

This morning I was tired, and I was grouchy.  The grouchy might have had something to do with the fact that Jim and I had a serious communication "gap".  At some point last week, we were discussing going to dinner for our anniversary.  Jim said that his friend Rachel said she could babysit.  I assumed that meant that he arranged it with her.  He assumed that meant that I would arrange it with her.  So, last night while watching TV, I asked him "What time is Rachel coming tomorrow?", and I got one of those blank stares.  (We're losing the ability to communicate, but I still love you Jim!)

How could I stay grouchy, though, when my kid gave me this "fill in the missing word" picture this morning?

It was hard to stay grouchy as he sang, "This is the way we...", the entire way to school.  "This is the way we count the school buses... This is the way we go to the school... This is the way we sit at a red light...etc"  He did a pretty good job at the pet store, and was so excited to have me along that it made me feel great.  At one point, he even hugged me and yelled "I love you Mommy!", which elicited a round of "Awww!"s from the other moms.

For Mother's Day, my two guys brought me breakfast in bed, along with my cards, and flowers.  We went out for dinner with Jim's parents and mine, and had a nice time. (Since my ship is sinking, I didn't take a single picture on Mother's Day.  FAIL).

Jim just called, and said he made reservations for the three of us at one of our favorite restaurants for tonight.  I think I can get the water out of this boat, and by next week, it will be back to smooth sailing. (I hope!)  Anyway, the most important thing to focus on is this... I AM LOVED.  Happy Anniversary Jim!

It Will Be Okay

I was a little worried when I wrote the previous post that it would be misunderstood.  I didn't want people to worry, or think that something terrible was happening.  Plenty of others have written similar posts, and no one batted an eyelash.  So, why did mine get such a reaction?

I think my dad summed it up when he said, "You've never written one like that before".  Yes, I do try to be a positive person in real life, and on my blog.  Maybe some would say that I appear to have it all together.  But, the truth is... I don't.  Some days it's mostly together, some days it's sort of together, some days it's spilling out the sides, and oozing onto the carpet.

Let's be real.  My house is never as clean as it should be.  There is always more organizing I would like to do.  I never cook a meal that would impress anyone.  I rarely leave the house thinking, "Damn, I look good".  (I'm laughing even as I write that).  Jim and I don't have date nights nearly often enough.  There are two rooms in my house that are a complete disaster (the studio and spare bedroom), and have been since we moved in.  I can NOT seem to get a handle on all the mail and paper clutter.

Why am I telling you all this?  So that you know you're not the only one who struggles to juggle it all.  We're all stressed.  We all have days when we just want to cry.  Even men, although they might not admit it.  So, yes, I am fine.

Three weeks ago, I lost my 20 hour a week nanny job.  The other nanny for the family told them she needs to work full time, and she's been around longer.  This is my last week.  Truthfully, when I found out, my initial reaction was complete relief.  Which was quickly followed by fear, and thoughts of "What am I gonna do?"  I  have to work.  Even working 20 hours a week, we were struggling.

I've been struggling with the question "What do I want to do?" since high school.  I always had many interests, but there wasn't one dominant thing I knew I wanted to do.  Recently, when I asked myself, "What do you want to do?", the only clear answer was, "Not be a nanny!"

My first nanny job (in 2004) was fantastic.  I loved those sweet girls and they loved me.  I remember calling Jim once and saying, "I'm sitting in the sun, at the zoo, and getting paid to watch them play!"

My second nanny job was pretty good also.  I loved the couple I worked for, and the baby girl was mostly pleasant and adorable.  After that job, though, (aside from the "Dream Job", which only lasted a short time as dreams usually do), things have steadily gone downhill.

I'm DONE.  I NEED to do something else.  So, I had an interview last week, and I've taken a new job.  It is a research position, through Pitt campus, in which I will go into preschools and conduct tests one on one with the children, to learn about pre-writing development.  I'm excited about it, but also nervous and uncertain.  Who knows if I will enjoy it?  Also, it doesn't start until March, with some training in February.

In the meantime, I'm doing some work online.  Yes, I know that is terribly vague - sorry.  I can't talk about it until I am doing it successfully.  My ego NEEDS to not fail at this, so that is where the pressure lies.

The other stress involves Dylan.  Because I lost my job, and our finances are teetering at the edge of a cliff, we decided to switch to a less expensive preschool.  This will be the THIRD preschool the poor kid has been in.  He doesn't seem to care, but I am nervous.  There are so many unknowns at the new place, and in the coming months in general.

But, as someone wise once said, "To attain success, the first step you take will be to make the decision to START".   Here we go...

No Power = Cranky Jen

Yesterday we drove to Erie, (about a 3 hour drive), to see Jim's relatives. Keep in mind that Jim and I are both only children, with only a handful of relatives in our area. Holiday celebrations usually consist of a whopping 7 people - Jim's parents, my parents, Jim and I, and Dylan. So imagine Dylan's shock to walk into a room of 23 people, all staring at him! He loves attention, but that was a bit overwhelming. We had a great time, and started the trip home around 5pm.

We stopped at Eat N Park about half way home, where we endured ridiculously slow service. When we came out, the sky looked ominous. For some unknown reason, I had decided to drive. That's when the wind started. Have you ever driven a small car in 40 mph winds? Yea, really fun. We made it home in one piece, got Dylan to sleep, and sat down to watch the Steelers kick some Brown butt, (taped). Five minutes later the power went out. The trees outside started whipping around, and my wonderful husband did what he always does in that situation - he went outside to "enjoy the storm". Then, I did what I always do in those situations - begged him to stop being a crazy man and come inside.

Since we didn't know when or if the power would come back on last night, I called it a night and went to bed. Since we both have electric alarm clocks and my first full day of my new nanny job was today, I set a manual clock.

This morning the alarm clock, which was set for 6am, went off. Jim mumbled something, then mumbled it again, then once more. "Can you make the manual alarm stop ticking?" I leaned over and felt around the nightstand -not there. "Where is it?" I asked. "On the floor!" I got up and started feeling around the floor - nothing. "Where?!" (This whole conversation was conducted in super annoyed, half asleep speak). "On the floor!!" "I CAN'T FIND IT!" He got up and grabbed the clock, which he had shoved under a pile of clothes to lessen the ticking slightly, and I stumbled into the bathroom. Jim came into the bathroom holding the manual clock. He held it up and mumbled something. I thought he said, "This clock doesn't even work. It says 5 o' clock". I wasn't sure why he needed to get out of bed and interrupt me for that bit of information, so I grunted and continued my business. After a few minutes, he opened the door again to tell me in a very annoyed tone, "Didn't you hear me when I said that it is FIVE O CLOCK?" Apparently the electric clock got all screwed up going off and on. Great start to my morning.

Then, I drove through the maze of downed branches and non functioning traffic lights to work. The little girl I am now watching decided she did not like the idea of her mom going back to work at all! Much shrieking and crying ensued. It will be fine. She'll adjust, and hopefully next time, I'll get a full night's sleep. Does this post make any sense? I'm tired and I'm rambling, aren't I? I just have one more thing to say. I love electricity. Electricity is good.

Living in a Dream

Those of you who actually remembered that I started the new job this week, and took the time to write and ask how it was going, I love you with the warmth of a thousand suns, or, you know, a lot. What can I say? That kind of stuff impresses me.

I have to say, so far, the dream job has been darn right dreamy! My first day of work I came home with these...


Big Bro and Little Bro asked their mom if they could pick some for me from their yard!

When all four of them were together, I felt like a celebrity. "Jen! Hey, Jen! Over Here! Look Here!" Big Bro and Little Bro wanted me to throw the frisbee, Big Sis wanted me to watch her climb up the slide, and Little Sis wanted me to watch her swing. Luckily, I'm very rarely with all four, because my old, can't-do-what-it-used-to body would be exhausted after a whole day of that much activity!

Speaking of my old body, I felt it would be a good idea to do cartwheels with Big Sis the first day. Yes, I said cartwheels. Can you say acute denial and a pyschotic inability to act one's age? I think that would be my diagnosis. My wrist has been sore ever since.

I spend most of my time with Big Sis and Little Sis. Little Sis is so darn cute, I had to keep internally reminding myself not to hug her. She only just met me, after all.

Big Sis celebrated her 5th birthday on my 2nd day of work. When I asked her what she thought she might be getting, she said "I hope I get some balloons, and a purple and pink purse!" Not a list a mile long, just that. Sure enough, she was very excited to show me her balloons and the purse filled with girly stuff the next day. She made a formal, and extremely cute presentation of her gifts. "This is the purse that Big Bro picked out for me himself...and I love it...and it has all this stuff in it...and I will tell you what is in it now..." After that, she started presenting the balloons, one at a time, explaining them as she went, as if I didn't have the foggiest clue as to the concept behind a balloon. "This one says H.a.p.p.y. Birthday, which is Happy Birthday to me...this one is a butterfly and if you do this, it will fly...this one has fairies on it..." I had to stop her at that point. "Fairies?", I asked, incredulously. It was a pink balloon with Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, Pocohontas, and Belle on it. I said, "Those are Princesses, aren't they?" "Oh, are they? I don't know. Do you know who they are?", she asked, her big eyes looking at me sweetly. "Well, yes, I do. This one's name is Belle, this one is Cinderella,"etc. Then she asked me, "Which one do you like?" "I guess Belle is my favorite", I replied. "Is that the one you would want to be?", she questioned. "I guess if I had to be one, I would be her. What about you?" She answered, "I don't think I'd want to be any of them. They look kind of funky". (Julia, please pick your jaw up off the floor now, she really did say that!)

The mom is SO nice, always positive and friendly, and talks to me as if she is talking to a friend, not hired help. I spend the majority of my time outside in their huge yard, playing. I get paid to PLAY and be outdoors, what could be better?

It's not all positive, though. There is one negative to this job. It has something to do with an annoying green monster called ENVY. I never thought of myself as materialistic. I couldn't care less what the label says on my clothes or what store I bought them from. I have no interest in fancy cars or expensive shoes. But, after spending the day at their beautiful huge home, with amenities galore, it is difficult to look at the houses that we are hoping to move into. It's like this... If you were told you were going to eat this for the rest of your life...

you might say, "Well, great, that looks delicious!" But, you probably wouldn't say that if you were spending your days eating like this...

*(I don't really like to eat meat that much, and I've never even tried lobster, but this was the easiest way to illustrate my point).
See what I mean? I was the one who was always telling my husband, "Money doesn't buy happiness, you know?!" Lately I'm thinking the dummy who first said that probably didn't have money and was just trying to make himself feel better. Geez, that's horrible. I need to have a chat with my therapist.

I'm Changing My Shoes Again

(This is loooooong one, folks, but I have a lot to say. Get a drink, sit back, and get comfortable)

Last week I was just minding my own business, when suddenly John Quinones, (the guy from Primetime), jumped out of no where and informed me, "You've just taken part in a social experiment!"

(Well, okay, not really, but I kept expecting him to.)

To tell the story correctly, I suppose I should start at the beginning. On a warm day in August, a small child was born...Okay maybe not the very beginning. I was working part time as a nanny for a family with a 4 year old girl and a 5 year old girl, since August 2007. Since January 18th , I had only worked 2 days due to the mom no longer being able to work due to physical problems. On March 10th, I told her I was going to have to look for another job, and she told me they were going to let me go anyway.

I have always got my nanny jobs through an agent, so I started calling agents once again on January 30th . Problem is, not many deal with clients who only need help part time. After a month of not receiving a single call from my agent, I was getting antsy, so I took matters into my own hands, and started looking on Craig's List.

One person I interviewed with turned me down, one I turned down, and the third job I took and wrote about here.

My first day was last Thursday, and the mom was there most of the time, letting me know where everything was, and about the routine, etc. She left me alone with the kids for a couple hours, and as I said, it went pretty well considering. I noticed when the mom was at the house, that the tv was on in two different rooms the whole time, and the kids were parked in front of one of the tv's in a stupor, but I figured that she did that so that we would be able to talk uninterrupted.

On Friday (FRIDAY, people - the day after I started the new job), I got a call from the MIA agent. She wanted to tell me about a family, that she "was sure I would want to meet". She was right.

I met them last Sunday. They have a 10 year old boy, who I will call Big Bro, a seven year old boy, I'll call Little Bro, an almost 5 year old girl, I'll call Big Sis, and a 2 year old girl, I'll call Little Sis. I was greeted by Big Bro, Big Sis, Little Sis, and the mom. After exchanging pleasantries, Big Bro asked his mom if he could give me "the tour" of the house. He told me "I was going to make you a map, but I didn't get a chance". I laughed, "a map?!" Shortly afterwards, as I was following my tour guide along with Big Sis, I wasn't laughing. I was trying to pick my jaw up off the floor. The home is BEAUTIFUL, and yes, I might need that map. But, what was more impressive to me, was Big Bro and Big Sis. I just kept staring at them when they weren't looking. These kids were so polite!

After the tour, the mom took me into the music room, so we could talk more about the job. One of the first things she said was "Well, Jen, I guess you noticed while Big Bro was showing you around, that we don't own a television". SCREECH, Grunt, Groan, Crickets (that was my brain trying to wrap itself around that particular concept).

After we talked for a while, Big Bro, Little Bro, (who had returned with dad), and Big Sis entered the room and very politely asked the mom if they could play me a song. "Sure, but just one, and then we need to talk some more, okay?" "Okay, mom". Big Bro started to play a song by memory on the piano...and I tried desperately not to let my jaw hit the floor. He played like an adult. Then Little Bro played a song and I tried not to cry. He played like a 12 year old. Then Big Sis played a song on the violin. I tried not to smack my forehead like I was in a V8 commercial. She played like a 10 year old. (Go back and check their ages if you are confused). When they were each finished playing me a song, they came over and sat QUIETLY on the couch next to me while their mom and I finished talking! Like I said before, I kept looking around for the hidden cameras. This could not be real.

I went back to my job (you know, the one I just started last Thursday), this Monday. This was the first time I was alone with the kids all day. When I got there, I met the grandma, who babysits part of the day. She had both tv's on, and the kids were parked in front of them. The only thing she felt I needed to know was what 5 channels they watched. Um, okay. After one or two shows I was bored, so I suggested we watch a movie (just kidding), play a game. The almost 3 year old twins got very excited about that idea, and ran downstairs with me to get a "AME!!!" I set it up, and they played for exactly (no exaggeration here) 2 minutes, before shouting, "A OTHER AME!!" "But, we...well, we just...started, and (OTHER AME!!!)..o-kay" That went on most of the day. My 16 month old has a much longer attention span.

The next time I saw the grandma, I asked "Do they usually watch tv all day?" "Yea, I don't like it, but what else is there for them to do?" Uh...play?

Tuesday, I went to the dream family's house to "spend some time with the younger two, since they are who you will be spending most of your time with, and decide if you are interested in the job". Unless their heads started spinning around, and they set fire to the house, I was interested. I went down to the play room with Big Sis(almost5) and Little Sis (2). Big Sis asked if I could play Monopoly with her. We started to set up the game, and Little Sis started grabbing the pieces. Big Sis very calmly stated, "It's hard to play things with her because she plays her baby way...I know...Little Sis, your favorite color is pink, right? (INK, INK, INK) Yep, Pink. I'll give you all the pink money and you can play with that, okay?" (What is the sound of someone shaking their head rapidly in disbelief? That's what I was doing.) I almost injured myself when Little Sis went over and started arranging the pink money, amusing herself while we played. After she eventually got tired of that, she went through the room collecting little balls, put them in a big bin, and crawled inside. She made herself a ball pit! Where were those damn cameras?

I worked Thursday and today for the other family. Today, I told the mom the situation. Oh, I forgot to mention a part of the situation. The pay the dream family is offering is more than I have ever made. Ever. The dream mom said, "I feel that someone who works with my children is doing a very important job, and they should be valued". Mmwwah, mmwwah, mmwwah. (That was me, kissing her feet). The current mom took the news extremely well, and only asked that I work one more week for her, so I'll start the dream job after that. I have to say she is very nice, and the kids are very sweet. It just isn't the dream job.

Is this for real? This is all sounding a bit too good to be true. I have to admit, I am scared. I am trying not to get too excited just yet, but my subconscience is shouting from rooftops and streaking through traffic. With a new pair of shoes. (My dad said I change my job more often than I change my shoes). He's a riot - that guy.

He Said Icken Uggets

Well, I started a new part-time nanny gig today. This time around, I will be working with twin boys who will be 3 in May, and a girl who just turned 6. Yesterday, when I took Dylan for a playdate, and I was telling the other mom about the new job, she said "Are you crazy?!" Why yes, I am! Thank you so much for noticing! Hmmpphh.

It actually went pretty well, for a first day in a strangers home with a strangers children. There was the little incident with Twin B pooping in his diaper (he's not potty trained yet), and hiding under an end table while me and big sis searched the house, until I was starting to panic, but hey, just a minor glitch. I mean, we did find him, eventually. (You gotta count your blessings in this line of work).

Twin B really didn't say two words to me after his mom left. Twin A, on the other hand, was pretty chatty. Problem was, I had NO IDEA what the heck he was saying most of the time.

Me: "What do you want for lunch?"
Twin A: "Iggin urrets!"
Me: "Uh, huh. Okay. Interpreter? Oh, Interpreter?"
Big Sis: (Giggling) "What now?"
Me: "I'm not quite sure what Iggin urrets are. Could you help me out there?"
Big Sis: "He said Icken uggets!....Chicken nuggets"
Me: "Well, yea. That makes total sense".

I really do love how kids think. These were a couple of gems from Big Sis...
-Isn't it funny how the number ten is a one and a zero, but if you switch the numbers it's not 10 anymore? (Whoa, that is heavy.)

My favorite:
Big Sis: What is your one wish?
Me: What do you mean?
Big Sis: If you could wish on a falling star, what would your one wish be? (Aye, Carumba, this kid is going to make me think!)