Comfort and Joy

I'm very particular about how I sleep. It needs to be quiet. Strange snoring/whining noises are not appreciated or tolerated, and result in a strong poke and disgusted huff. There cannot be any light in the room. Night lights are ridiculous. The obnoxious green glare from my husband's alarm clock continues to be an issue. I turn it around. He turns it back, and ...repeat. The blinds need to be shut in such a way that allows for the smallest possible amount of moonlight to filter through. The bathroom door must be shut, so that the light from those windows don't seep into the room. The room should be comfortable - not cold, not hot, certainly not the sauna-like conditions my husband likes to sleep in, which has me waking up a sweaty, soppy mess. Slightly cool would be optimum. I dress light. No sweatpants or sweatshirts. No layers or heavy socks. But every area must be covered. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and feel cold air up my shirt. I tuck my shirt into my pants. I also tuck my pants into my socks. That's right. It's quite sexy, as my husband will tell you.

Jim can sleep in almost any condition. He can sleep with the TV blaring (and does every.single.night). He can sleep with bright sunlight in the room. But, as I've mentioned before, he likes the room toasty. He is warm through the day, and I am freezing. Then, at night our metabolisms switch. Somehow, I manage to love him in spite of this bizarre nightly occurrence.

Recently, I bought Dylan new pajamas. I bought the ones with the feet for a very specific reason. If he wears ones without feet, he takes his socks off every.single.night. When we go in to get him in the morning, he is barefoot, and his feet are cold. I worried about him having cold feet, especially since he is still sick. When I showed him the new pajamas, he touched them, and remarked, "They're so soft!" I thought I had achieved success. This morning, Jim came in to tell me... "You have to see Dylan. He somehow took off just the bottom half of those pajamas". Sure enough, there he was with his arms and chest covered, but bare from the diaper down.

This afternoon, I put a new sheet on his bed before nap, and he rushed over to inspect my work. "That's not right!", he moaned. "WHAT?! What's the problem?", my not so patient self replied. "It's not blue! It's white!", I explained. (He won't sleep on blue sheets. He won't sleep on patterned sheets. He won't sleep on flannel sheets. White. They have to be plain white). "Those aren't COLD!", he whined. (Talking to myself..) "I'm going to need patience. A lot of patience. Breathe in. Breathe out).
"Dylan, these are the regular plain white sheets. Not the hot ones(flannel)". "No, they're not. They're not the cold ones or the hot ones. They're WARM". Apparently the new plain white sheets I bought are a different thread count or some such nonsense that just changes freakin' everything. (Breathe in. Breathe out).

I give up. We all have our night time quirks. The things that make perfect sense to us, but absolutely none to others. The things that make us happy and comfortable. The person who does this...

really can't say too much about anyone else's method.

Here's wishing you and your family whatever brings you Comfort and Joy this holiday season.
Merry Christmas!

What's Wrong With My Head?

Sleep has been elusive these days. No, not because of my toddler, which would make sense. I haven't been sleeping because of my other kid - the adult sized one. Something strange happens to the adult sized kid at night. The man who can sometimes be found in a t-shirt, next to his lovely wife who might be wearing three layers, and some gloves, switches bodies with me at night. Not in a kinky way - get your mind out of the gutter. What I mean is, while sleeping, my body temperature suddenly goes sky high, and he is suddenly freezing. It is very weird.

One of the first times I shared a bed with Jim, I had a bad dream. I rolled over, thinking snuggling would possibly help me get back to sleep, and came face to face with a masked man! The man in bed with me had a black knit cap pulled down over his eyes and part of his nose! I almost screamed and grabbed a lamp to smash on his head, but then I recognized the nose and mouth. When I asked Jim the next morning if he was trying to kill me, and explained that he almost got a kick in his privates while sleeping, he laughed! He explained that his head gets really cold at night, since it's not under the covers. I believe I said, "O...kay weirdo".

Another night, early in our relationship, I woke up around 3am, and rolled over to tell Jim he would have to take me to the emergency room. "Jim, there is something wrong with me! My head feels like it is on fire!" Again, he laughed! (Cruel man)
He had a space heater just inches from our heads, turned on full blast.

Somehow, over time, I have become accustomed to the bizarre nightly body switch. But, in the spirit of keeping our marriage interesting, he has added a new trick to the mix. He is now making a very odd noise in the middle of the night. It is a high pitched wheezing/sighing/whining noise that sounds like it couldn't possibly be coming from my husband. Usually when the noise wakes me up, I look over to find his face in the pillow. I lay there cursing silently, and when it doesn't stop, I poke him ever so softly (snort), and tell him to roll over. He does, and then immediately falls back asleep. I do not.

I told him to try one of those strips you put across your nose. That didn't work, of course, because he isn't snoring. Is there a strip for wheezing/sighing/whining I don't know about? Because if not, I'm thinking of making the adult kid sleep in the crib from now on.