The Ugly Shirt

I came into the family room, to watch Dylan and Jim playing football.  Playing TACKLE football... in the FAMILY ROOM.  (Just wanted to point that out to you for some reason).  Although I was seriously questioning the brilliance of this particular idea, I WAS thinking how adorable they looked, laughing and tackling each other.  I WAS thinking how sweet it was that Jim was being extra careful, and pretending to not be able to tackle Dylan.  I WAS thinking about what a great dad Jim is, but I was suddenly distracted by something.  VERY distracted.  I couldn't focus on anything else actually.

Me:  "Jim?  Where did you get that shirt?"
Jim:  "I don't know".
Me:  "You don't know?!  Did someone give it to you, or did you buy it?"
Jim:  "I don't really remember".
Me:  "Are you sure that is a man's shirt?!"
Jim:  "Of course it's a man's shirt!"
Me:  "Men's shirts never have 3/4 length sleeves!"
Jim:  "In the 80's they did!"
Me:  Blink. Blink.  "You've had that shirt since the 80's?!"
Jim:  "Yea".
Me:  "Um... are you aware that it is 2011?"
Jim:  "Is there a problem with this shirt?!"
Me:  "Wow.  Which problem would you like first?"
Jim:  "It's just a shirt I sleep in!  Who cares?"
Me:  (thinking to myself about the many times that he cuts the grass in his "pajama shirts") "Mmm...hmmm.... It's ridiculously big... What size is it?"
Jim:  "I don't know" (Moving over so I can look at the tag)
Me:  "Oh for crying out loud!  The tag is so old and frayed, I can't even read it!  It has to be an extra large, though".
Jim:  (crickets)  (As far as he was concerned the conversation about the ugly shirt was over).

When I went up to bed that night, the ugly shirt was laying on the bed.  On MY SIDE yet!  Mocking me.  I threw it in the bathroom garbage can.  (Oh yes, I DID!)

I was quite certain that it would miraculously find it's way back out of the garbage can later, because, you see, I've married my mother.  (Just writing that sentence might require a psychologist visit).  I've always loved to throw things away.  I find it freeing, getting rid of clutter.  Somehow, though, in my childhood home, things would always reappear.  I thought I was losing my mind.  I thought the house had a ghost.  Then, one day, I threw something away in the kitchen, tiptoed down the hall, and waited.  Sure enough, I heard something in the garbage... or someone.  I caught my mom red handed!  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!", I screamed at my surprised mom.  "Well, you might want this... you could use this for..."  Yep.  I am still hearing that, but now it's in my own house, and it's my husband saying it!

The ugly shirt was at the top of the open garbage can, so I figured the likelihood of me never seeing that shirt again was pretty slim.  I figured I would be hearing about it the next day, but do you know?  He didn't say one word about it, and I think the shirt was thrown away!  Unless he secretly took it out of the garbage and purposefully didn't mention it, because he is just waiting for a perfect opportunity to bust it out and wear it?  Oh, geez, now I'm nervous.  I'm hoping that this post will not have a Part 2.
I'm hoping that is the end of "The Ugly Shirt".

So, what about you?  Does your significant other have an item of clothing that you can't stand and would like to throw away?

(P.S. The shirt he has on in that picture is NOT The Ugly Shirt.  He looks great in that shirt.  He's a good looking guy, and he should wear shirts that show that.  That picture was taken on his birthday this year, the first time I ever wore heels.)

One Third Crazy

A while back, I took a test online.  The test was supposed to see if I had the qualities necessary to be a good real estate agent.  I love looking at houses, and I've thought about it as a possible career change.  According to the test, I would be a great agent.  A long time best selling agent called to talk to me more about it over the phone.

As she was explaining all the necessary steps involved, I was taking notes.  I ran out of room on the first sheet of paper, and only wrote one last thing on the second sheet.  Somehow the two sheets of paper became separated later.

One evening, Jim said "I have to ask you something...  Are you thinking about leaving me?"
"WHAT?!?", I exclaimed.  "Why would you even say that?"
"Well, I found this piece of paper with your handwriting, that says "One third thinking about leaving".
Being the sensitive person I am, I bust out laughing.
"Jim!  I wrote that when I talked to that real estate lady.  She said that one third of the real estate agents are thinking about leaving the business!  Did you really think I wrote that about you?!"
"Well, not really, but I had to ask".
"Would I really write it down if I were thinking about leaving?", I asked.
"Yes!", he laughed.  "You would write a list of the pros and cons of leaving.  Then you would write a plan for exactly how to leave!"

He is so right!  I would probably also buy a few books about it, and research it online.  Now, how could I leave someone who knows me so well?

Jim, I love you, and I'm not going anywhere unless you come too.  Speaking of which, we really should take a vacation soon.  I'll start researching and making some lists.

Seven Years of Marriage

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Marriage

(I didn't forget about Part 2 to "Being Healthy" - it's coming soon)


Recently, I discovered that a couple I know is having marital struggles. There were discussions of separation. This shook me a bit, because on the surface, they look happy. I started to wonder how many other couples I know are having similar issues. I started to ponder what it is exactly that makes some marriages work and others fade away.

One night this past week, none of our shows were on, so Jim *allowed me to watch a sappy love story, "P.S. I Love You". I read the book, and also saw it in the theatre, but I wanted to watch it again. It is odd that I wanted to watch it again, because if you've seen the movie, you know it is about a young woman whose husband died. It is a very honest, well written film, and of course I relate to the main character. (*I wrote that as a joke for Jim. We don't "allow" or "not allow" each other to do things. I don't think couples should try to control each other. We share our feelings and give each other our opinions, and hopefully the other person cares enough to let that influence their decision in some way.)

After watching the movie, I went up to bed, and stood there for a second cursing. The sheets were in the dryer, probably damp and wrinkled. On my way down to run them through the dryer again, I complained to Jim about what I did. Later, when I started to put the dry sheets on the bed, Jim appeared and offered to help me. As I pulled my side and he yanked his, I looked over at him and smiled, my heart filling with warmth. A small gesture, his offer to help, but so sweet. Those little moments can pass us by so easily , unnoticed and unappreciated.

It is really quite remarkable - marriage. The idea of choosing one person to spend the rest of your life with! They are basically saying "You are the person that I want to argue with about travel plans. You are the person I want to roll over and see every morning, bed head, morning breath, and all. I will deal with your crazy relatives. I will make your dreams my own. I will listen to you nag me time and time again to hang up my coat. I will listen to you tell me the same stories that I have already heard a billion times with a smile on my face. I will love you because of who you are, and also in spite of it."

It is hard, and it is work, but it is fabulous and amazing, sharing your days, your ups and downs with another person. You all know how I feel about Valentine's day, so this post is not a Valentine's day post and will not be posted on that day, because what I really just want to say is...

"Jim, I love you EVERY DAY".

What's Wrong With My Head?

Sleep has been elusive these days. No, not because of my toddler, which would make sense. I haven't been sleeping because of my other kid - the adult sized one. Something strange happens to the adult sized kid at night. The man who can sometimes be found in a t-shirt, next to his lovely wife who might be wearing three layers, and some gloves, switches bodies with me at night. Not in a kinky way - get your mind out of the gutter. What I mean is, while sleeping, my body temperature suddenly goes sky high, and he is suddenly freezing. It is very weird.

One of the first times I shared a bed with Jim, I had a bad dream. I rolled over, thinking snuggling would possibly help me get back to sleep, and came face to face with a masked man! The man in bed with me had a black knit cap pulled down over his eyes and part of his nose! I almost screamed and grabbed a lamp to smash on his head, but then I recognized the nose and mouth. When I asked Jim the next morning if he was trying to kill me, and explained that he almost got a kick in his privates while sleeping, he laughed! He explained that his head gets really cold at night, since it's not under the covers. I believe I said, "O...kay weirdo".

Another night, early in our relationship, I woke up around 3am, and rolled over to tell Jim he would have to take me to the emergency room. "Jim, there is something wrong with me! My head feels like it is on fire!" Again, he laughed! (Cruel man)
He had a space heater just inches from our heads, turned on full blast.

Somehow, over time, I have become accustomed to the bizarre nightly body switch. But, in the spirit of keeping our marriage interesting, he has added a new trick to the mix. He is now making a very odd noise in the middle of the night. It is a high pitched wheezing/sighing/whining noise that sounds like it couldn't possibly be coming from my husband. Usually when the noise wakes me up, I look over to find his face in the pillow. I lay there cursing silently, and when it doesn't stop, I poke him ever so softly (snort), and tell him to roll over. He does, and then immediately falls back asleep. I do not.

I told him to try one of those strips you put across your nose. That didn't work, of course, because he isn't snoring. Is there a strip for wheezing/sighing/whining I don't know about? Because if not, I'm thinking of making the adult kid sleep in the crib from now on.